Happy woman in control
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What if we lived our lives with a deeper and more conscious awareness of the fact that we get to create our experience of life at any moment? Imagine what our lives, our careers and our relationships would look like if we stopped blaming our experience on other people or on external circumstances. We would free up so much positive energy and take back so much of our personal power.

Here are a few things you can do to enhance your capacity to own your experience of life in an empowering way:

  • Admit when you play victim and give away your power. As is always the case, "The truth will set you free." Take a look into your life, especially in the areas where you find the most pain, suffering and struggle right now. Without judging yourself, can you find places where you're acting like a victim of your current circumstances, as though it is simply "happening to you"? The more honest and specific you can be about this, the more freedom it will provide for you.

  • Acknowledge, own and express your underlying emotions. Whenever we go into victimhood, there is something we don't want to deal with, take responsibility for, experience or express emotionally. Even thought it can be a little painful and scary initially, by dealing directly with the emotions we're avoiding, we go to the source of the issue and address it at the root. Ironically, once we're able to acknowledge, own and express the emotions involved, much of the suffering and struggling go away—if we're willing to really take responsibility for and express what we're truly feeling.

  • Make a commitment to fully own your experience. Declare to yourself and those who are close to you that you're willing to take 100 percent responsibility for your experience of life. This doesn't mean that stuff won't happen, but it does mean that you make a commitment to live your life by design, not default. It's also likely that you'll forget, slip up and fall back into victimhood from time to time (or often). However, making a commitment to yourself and to others—and also asking them to hold you accountable with honesty and kindness—can create an environment, both within you and around you, that is conducive for you to enhance your capacity to live your life with power and responsibility.

Give yourself some space and have a lot of compassion with yourself and others on this. Most of us have been trained, educated and encouraged to live in "victim consciousness"—even though it doesn't work or give us what we want ultimately. When we're willing to tell the truth, express our real emotions and make a commitment to live as designers of our experience, we can literally transform our lives in miraculous ways.

Keep Reading: Forget about creating a new you: Just be yourself!

Mike Robbins is a best-selling author, sought-after motivational keynote speaker and personal growth expert who works with people and groups of all kinds. Robbins is the author of the best- selling books Focus on the Good Stuff and Be Yourself: Everyone Else Is Already Taken . He and his work have been featured on ABC News , in Forbes , Ladies Home Journal , Self and many others.


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