This little lie is also known as "I can do it all by myself," which is really "I have to do it all by myself," which is really "I don't have anybody who will come through for me." Regardless of which of these versions your brain recognizes, what this zinger leads you to do is pack up your entire apartment by yourself, filling the boxes and dragging them one by one down the stairs and across the parking lot, dropping the wicker armchair off the balcony (it only broke a little), stuffing it all into a busted Yugo and making six trips to the storage facility, then collapsing and screaming at your friend when he calls to ask you to go out to dinner that night because you moved your whole house in one day by yourself!!! You can't eat pizza!! That is too labor-intensive!! Leading your friend to pause and finally respond, "Uh, why didn't you call me?" Leading you to sit there dumbfounded.
Did this story really happen? Yes, it did. I was the slow learner of this universal truth: Nobody moves alone. And by "moves," I don't just mean moves apartments or moves furniture. I mean moves in this world. Somewhere, there is some random person who will help you bake the 200 cupcakes or lug your crap to the airport or just stand next to you as you face down the ex-boyfriend at his engagement party for his upcoming nuptials to the 22-year-old who, by some freak of nature, was born without pores. This person, however, is not a mystic. You must text or email him (or her) for assistance—which, by the way, is just a little bit easier than picking up the phone and asking with your real, live human voice, especially for those of us new to disputing this lie.
2. "I'm too tired to make it to six o'clock."
Except that maybe you're dehydrated. Or maybe you didn't eat lunch. Or maybe you forgot your iron pill for the 200th time. Or maybe you're too stressed. Or maybe you're bored and discouraged and really, really need to start sending out that resume. Tired is often code for not taking care of yourself in the small, fundamental ways so requisite for happiness.
Next: The lie that can ruin your relationships