Thinking woman

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Reliving and Reflecting
Once you've had the chance to vent, you are ready to appeal to your rational side, Dr. Hallowell says.

  • Ask yourself: What do you want this pain to turn into?
  • Look for the hook. The hook is what is holding you back—it's the portion of the misdeed that is causing you to hold on to your anger and resentment.
  • Empathize with the person who hurt you.
  • Remember that forgiveness is not the service of condoning. It's a service to yourself—free yourself from the poison of hatred.

Next: The difficult step of working it out