Laura Berman: The 3 Things You Need for a Rock-Solid Relationship
Healthy Relationship Requirement #3: An Open Heart
The key is being brave enough to open your heart despite the stories you're telling yourself. Think about that special someone, and think about something they say or do that makes your heart close. And now, without having any thought, imagine your heart opening like a flower. Imagine your chest becoming expansive and filling with light. I do that in my own relationships 20 times a day at least. You have a choice every moment of the day to open yourself up. When you do that, it opens the channels of love, joy and, especially, sexual energy.
You also have to learn to speak your partner's language of love. It's scientifically proven that men who do housework get more sex. When he's helping around the house, it's a sign that he gets it, that he sees how hard you're working, that he knows the nest is important, and that makes you feel connected to him. On the other hand, men achieve a sense of emotional closeness through the physical act of sex. There's a yin and a yang to life and in relationships, and it's about learning what nourishes your partner. Everyone's different, which means we have to stop trying to love our partner the way we want to be loved and instead learn the way they want to be loved and share the way we want to be loved.
Here are the three things you can start doing today to maintain passion in your relationship:
1. Give your partner three genuine expressions of appreciation a day. It can be appreciation for things they always do for you or for something special, but make sure you say it out loud—and you mean it.
2. Make an appointment two times a week to spend 15 minutes—with no technology other than music—kissing and cuddling and talking, with sex completely off the table.
3. Make a commitment to having sex at least once a week. Twice a week is better. Don't go more than two weeks without it, because it's is the fuel in your long-term relationship. When sex is working with a couple, it’s a small part of a larger relationship. This is really about letting go of the fear and opening yourself to your partner—and releasing the sexual goddess inside you.
Advice to Keep Your Relationship Thriving