If I asked you to sit down and tell me about your relationship, what would you tell me? Would you tell me about how you met and how many kids you have? Would you tell me about how you are too busy to have sex or how your husband cheated on you five years ago with his co-worker? Would you tell me about your wife's annoying habits?

Or, if you are single and looking for love, would you tell me all about how there are no good guys out there? Or that everyone is only looking for one thing and you are tired of looking for Mrs. Right?

Well, all those things might be true for you right now. You might be feeling dejected in your search for love. You might be feeling tired of your husband's habits or bored with your sex life.

But if I have learned one thing from quantum physics it is this: Telling me about what you don't want isn't going to get you anywhere. Quantum physics teaches us that energy follows intention. It teaches us that if you wake up every day and think, "The world sucks and I am never going to be happy," then the world is going to suck and you aren't going to be happy. It's not magic. It's simple physics. Like attracts like, and your energy is going to send messages to the world whether you realize it or not. Certainly bad things will happen—as a recent cancer survivor, I know that all too well—but Quantum Love shows that even those bad things are here to serve us. Here to help us. Here to teach us invaluable lessons and usher us along our cosmic journey.

So what does this mean? It means that when you talk about your relationship, you need to talk not only about what you DO want (amazing sex, unconditional love) in a goal-oriented way, but also in an emotional and energetic way. How do you want to feel when you wake up in the morning? How do you want to experience the world with your partner? How do you want to feel when you go on dates and look for love? These are your Quantum Love goals. Or you can think of them as core desired relationship goals.

The concept of core relationship goals is one I have modified from Danielle LaPorte, a motivational speaker and author. Her Desire Map teaches people how to identify what they really want out of life, and how to get clear on the steps they need to take in order to make those goals a reality. I encourage you to check out some of her stuff (her website is here) and to start your own Desire Map.

Here are some core relationship goals to keep in mind: Vulnerable. Fearless. Liberated. Sacred. Connected. Delighted. Expansive. Sheltered. Playful. Dignified. Romantic. Aroused. Hang one or two of your favorites on the bathroom mirror, or even write them on your hand. Hang them by the stove, so you can look at them as you cook, or by the sink, so you can look at them while you wash dishes. Or, come up with some core relationship goals of your own, either solo or with your partner. Then you can focus on how to develop those goals.

Quantum love Laura Berman, PhD, is a sex and relationship educator and therapist. Her latest book is Quantum Love: Use Your Body’s Atomic Energy to Create the Relationship You Desire.


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