11 Ways to Be More Patient in Any Scenario

Whether personal or professional, we all encounter problems, delays, or some type of suffering. But people who can weather these scenarios without becoming excessively annoyed or overly anxious fair better both emotionally and physically, says Dr. Sanam Hafeez, a neuropsychologist and faculty member at Columbia University.

Why? When we get stressed out, our bodies pump hormones like cortisol and adrenaline in order to elicit a fight or flight response, says M. J. Ryan, author of The Power of Patience. Although this exists to save us from perceived danger, these hormones are toxic to every tissue in our body: "When we live this way for a prolonged amount of time, we see adverse health effects, including a compromised immune system," says Ryan.

While it's true some people are generally more even-keeled than others, both Ryan and Hafeez agree that it's possible to train yourself to be even more patient.

The first step is to understand your triggers...

Does standing in line drive you crazy? Or maybe traffic is enough to send you into full-on meltdown mode? Notice what gets you worked up into a frenzy.

Then practice handling your triggers...

Being more patient is all about downing your stress response and upping your relaxation response," says Ryan. Start by practicing calming self-talk (i.e. "This is not worth getting upset over" or "I can only control what I can control") and taking slow, deep breaths from your belly, says Hafeez.

And if you're really struggling, these strategies can help in the face of some of the more common triggers:

If you hate waiting...

Pick a time of day when the store isn't typically as crowded, and then "graduate" to a more crowded time to test your resolve, says Hafeez. If you find yourself in line and feeling frustrated, breathe, call a friend, or put on headphones and turn on uplifting music.

Put the hassle into perspective in the scheme of life, says Hafeez. Remind yourself that this is just a small (and very manageable) blip on the radar—even if it is going to make you late for an appointment.

And remember: There are all kinds of delivery services, like Instacart and Amazon, that take away this annoyance. If using these services saves some of your emotional sanity, the extra cost may be worth it.

If traffic is driving you crazy...

Take yourself on a mental vacation, says Ryan. "Visualize the most peaceful place you can think of. See, feel and hear yourself there." In these scenarios, meditation can also be very valuable, since it can help you to learn to find a center of calm within yourself, says Hafeez.

If your kids are testing you...

Issue a storm warning before you blow, says Ryan. Say something like, “I’m about to lose my temper.” This not only offers your kids an opportunity to change their behavior, but it also lets you realize it may be a good chance for one—or both—of you to have a time out.

You can also count to ten in a heated situation like this, says Ryan. "This gives you a moment to consider what really matters to you—blowing off steam or finding an effective solution."

If you're annoyed at yourself...

Of course, there are times when we are impatient with ourselves. You might wonder: Why do I get distracted so easily? or Why can't I be better at this new hobby?

We're often impatient, because we’re overloaded, says Ryan. Don't be afraid to ask for help. "There's no prize at the end of your life for doing too much, particularly in a frazzled state." With less on your plate, you may be surprised to discover you'll begin to excel and feel more comfortable in your skin.

If something goes wrong...

Watch how others behave in similar situations. For example, if your flight gets canceled or delayed, are other people losing their patience or taking it in stride? Try your best to associate with calm people, and model yourself after their behavior, says Hafeez.

If you're trying to lose weight...

"Choose to notice what you've done rather than what you've got left to do, if you've got a big goal ahead of you," says Ryan. Celebrating small victories will give you the patience you need to pursue a larger goal.

If you're constantly fighting with a loved one...

Discuss the main triggers that are detriments to your patience with this person, says Hafeez. Don't let emotions and resentments bottle up, as this can only lead to more problems and even deeper patience issues.

When you're alone and in a quiet place, visualize how you want to react the next time you find yourself getting impatient, says Hafeez. How do you handle the situation? How do you look? What do you say? How does the other person react?

When you're better equipped to anticipate your triggers, you'll also be better equipped to handle them (and a conversation) with grace.

If you wish life could be easier or better...

Getting through a breakup, a lay off, or the loss of a loved one, takes patience and fortitude, says Hafeez. In these situations, we often wonder why me and feel a sense of impatience when the situation doesn't improve swiftly.

"Of all of the types of patience, this is the most difficult to manifest and may require the help of a grief group or a therapist."

And no matter what...

When you find yourself about to lose it, Ryan suggests asking yourself: Is this a real emergency? The answer is almost always no, but even if it is, using the above relaxation techniques can help you keep your calm, so that you can more effectively deal with the issue at hand, she says. And go easy on yourself: "Like with every skill in life, patience takes practice," says Hafeez.

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