Becoming truly intimate with someone isn't a casual act. It means you're showing your vulnerable side, and for many, that's not very easy to do. Ed and Deb Shapiro show you how to open your heart and soul to connect on a deeper level with your partner—while loving yourself too.
Intimacy is a hot and often difficult subject. It implies letting someone else get close to you to see all your secrets and hidden places. An intimate relationship means you are willing to let go of your defenses and be seen by another for who you are, including all of your vulnerabilities and weaknesses—into me you see—which can be terrifying.
Intimacy can cause fear, apprehension, even a shutdown of feelings. Rather than exploring the longed-for togetherness, it can all get too overwhelming, causing you to retreat back into your own corner, hesitant to reach out again. Being seen so closely can feel as if you are totally exposed with nowhere to hide. So then you resist and put up an invisible wall in an attempt to protect yourself from such exposure, and from rejection and hurt. However, as much as this wall may protect you, it also shuts you off from your own feelings.

One of the great benefits of a loving relationship is that it provides a safe space for all of these fears—which have never before seen the light of day—to be acknowledged, known and held. In other words, love brings up everything that isn't love. This is especially true as a relationship enters into a deepening familiarity. In the midst of all the good stuff, past hurt, insecurity or self-doubt can emerge, straining a relationship. Yet moments like this are an invitation to embrace yourself and breathe into the fearful places so you can come defenseless into a relationship.

How Ed and Deb overcame their fears and found each other

Published 05/07/2010

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