I just caught my husband masturbating. I am shocked. I thought we had a normal sex life, but when I opened the bathroom door unexpectedly, there he was with his pants around his ankles looking at a lingerie catalog. Gross, Why does he need to do that? Is it normal to masturbate even if you have a robust sex life? -Anonymous email fromOprah.com
DR. PHIL: Well, you're right, there is a lotta guilt associated - because we're a very prudy society. I mean, we really are a very prudish society, and I grew up in a very kinda conservative, fundamental guilt-based religion. And, and they were telling us that was wrong, and I remember thinkin', I was just glad my arms were that long. No, that, that, that can't be an accident can it? That, that our arms were made exactly that long? I mean, can that be...Oh, so I think it is a very natural thing. But listen, and this - you're gonna be surprised at this response. But look, it is a natural thing for men to do, and women for that matter. Less frequently, but it is, it is a natural thing for men to do. When you walk in and catch him, you're gonna have - you're gonna do one or two things. You're either gonna become like the schoolmarm, like, "Oh, I caught you here," and rap him on the knuckles, or something. But really since you're in that situation, at the time it would have been great to say, "You know, can I lend you a hand."
No, seriously. Can I can let, let me, let me help you here, and become part of the process. And since you missed that opportunity, and you're so shocked, Prudence, then you might sit down with him now and say, "Listen, I noticed that, that you were doing that and you left the door open," which is kinda stupid unless you kinda subconsciously wanted to be caught. Then say, you know, let me help you with that. We can mutually do this, or, or just tell me when you're in that mind and you're in that mood. Just incorporate it into your sex life.
GAYLE KING: And Phil, the wife shouldn't feel lesser then? She shouldn't feel - she shouldn't feel lesser than, that he chose to look at a catalogue?
DR. PHIL: Clearly, it is natural for him. And say, okay, now I'm competing with this image. But that image is on paper and trust me, writer, those girls don't look like that. So, you're competing with a false image. Don't go there, forget about that. Just talk to him about it, incorporate it into your sex life and move on.
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