Family Shadow Beliefs
Four Step Plan to Uncover Shadow Beliefs
PAGE 5
Step One: Identify Your Behavior Patterns
Notice your behavior changes when you spend time with family. For example, do you try to please everyone? Do you spend time criticizing others? Do you:
One way to identify self-defeating patterns of behavior is to review your past and make a list of your regrets and old resentments. For example, did you spend a lot of money, only to realize you're in debt? Did you knock yourself out cooking/preparing/planning, only to feel unappreciated and disappointed?
Step Three: Identify Your Emotions
Look at the common emotions you feel during family get-togethers. Do you feel:
Once you identify the feeling, close your eyes and ask yourself: "When have I felt this feeling before?" Make a list of all of the times when you felt this way. As you consider each experience, ask yourself: "What did I make this experience mean about me?"
Notice your behavior changes when you spend time with family. For example, do you try to please everyone? Do you spend time criticizing others? Do you:
- Overeat or drink too much
- Gang up on certain members of your family
- Over do and then feel resentful
- Use all your energy trying to make others happy
- Isolate and feel sorry for yourself
- Become a victim or martyr
One way to identify self-defeating patterns of behavior is to review your past and make a list of your regrets and old resentments. For example, did you spend a lot of money, only to realize you're in debt? Did you knock yourself out cooking/preparing/planning, only to feel unappreciated and disappointed?
Step Three: Identify Your Emotions
Look at the common emotions you feel during family get-togethers. Do you feel:
- Lonely?
- Worthless?
- Judged/Criticized?
- Unloved?
- Disappointed?
- Unappreciated?
- Regretful?
- Frustrated?
- Guilty?
- Ashamed?
- Jealous?
- Angry?
Once you identify the feeling, close your eyes and ask yourself: "When have I felt this feeling before?" Make a list of all of the times when you felt this way. As you consider each experience, ask yourself: "What did I make this experience mean about me?"
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