Thought for Today - January 2010

"I believe that when you stop renewing and are no longer open to change and the possibilities that continually unfold, you stop being alive and are just getting through the years. Transformation doesn't happen unless you're willing: It's your choice."

— Oprah

"People think that they're being devoured by stress, but I always ask them where they got the strength they have now. Has it been from the storms, the challenges—the stress? Or from the good times, the great parties? In every case, people say that what's pushed them the most has helped them the most. Stress pushes us to expend energy emotionally, physically, mentally and spiritually. Then comes a period of recovery and healing—and growth."

— Tony Schwartz , author

"When it comes to exploring your creative side, it's very easy to think of all the reasons you can't do it—you don't have the time, you don't have the money, etc.—but if you are truly passionate about expressing yourself, you can find a way. When you feel as though you can't do something, the simple antidote is action: Begin doing it. Start the process, even if it's just a simple step, and don't stop at the beginning. Take the next step and the next until what you've dreamed about begins to become reality."

— Marcus Buckingham , career expert

"Write down the area of your life that most needs your attention right now, and then write out the details of your soul's vision for this part of your life. What does it look like? How will achieving your goal change your life? How will it change the lives of those around you? When you reach your goal, when you fulfill that desire, what will you make room for? Take a few minutes to write it all down."

— Debbie Ford

Start Debbie's 21-Day Consciousness Cleanse today!

How to Find Out What You Want from Your Relationship
Are you meeting your partner's needs? Are your needs being met? What are they? After you know partner's needs, if you find yourselves still frustrated, realize that it's not that you can't meet your partner's needs, it's that you won't. Think about why you haven't yet.

Dr. Harville Hendrix, a relationship expert, offers advice on how to better your marriage when your partner is no longer willing to give you what you need. "You may try to coerce him into caring through criticism, intimidation, shame, withdrawal, crying, anger—whatever works," he says. This power struggle may continue for years, but it can end because of the love you have for each other. "The emotional bond created by romantic love evolves into a powerful organic bond through the process of resolving conflict," Dr. Hendrix says. "With self-awareness, we can correct what has gone wrong."

6 more ways to rescue your love life

"The first thing to realize is that you are in control of your own energy. I know it doesn't feel that way sometimes. Depression can take hold like an invading germ; anxiety can cause fear to leap out of nowhere; anger can simmer like a pot on the stove. Yet these conditions do not define you, and in fact you can begin to use basic energy—the kind that comes from food, air, loving relationships, nature's beauty and the flow of creativity—for your own good. All these sources of energy are available to you all the time. They are part of your birthright; they connect you to the flow of life, which is constantly renewing itself."

— Deepak Chopra

How efficient is your life? Take this quiz!

"There's a difference between the stuff we're here to grow beyond and who we are. People get those confused most of the time. [Through self-emergence], they have a real sense of spiritual self-confidence in who they are, and have an idea of how to create a new response to limitation, as opposed to recreating their limiting pattern."

— Vaishali , comic and spiritual teacher

"Give yourself the gift of being your own mother and saying yes to your own will, yes to you own wishes, yes to your own longings. Then, follow that path."

— Dr. Robin Smith

"You do not become good by trying to be good, but by finding the goodness that is already within you and allowing that goodness to emerge."

— Eckhart Tolle

Discover Real Power in Your Life

Every time you lose control to anger, fear, jealousy and rage, you allow those feelings to have power over you. When you allow yourself to feel those emotions, instead of just "acting out," you can start to recreate authentic power.

Creating Authentic Power

Step 1: Whenever you are feeling a painful feeling, stop and become aware of what you are feeling.

Step 2: Remind yourself that the thoughts and feelings you're experiencing are coming from a part of you that's frightened by the thought that you're not good enough.

Step 3: Ask yourself: "Do I want my decisions to be made by a part of me that is frightened?"

Step 4: Ask yourself: "What would I do in this situation if I were compassionate and wise?"

There is learning potential in every decision you make, as well as consequences. You must accept the responsibility for every one of your decisions.

How to get your power back

"Are you becoming more and more aware of the interconnection of all beings, creatures and elements? Do you hold as your own Jesus' words: 'And whatsoever you do to the least of my brothers, you do to me'? Are you getting tired of the way our society celebrates the false ego's selfish and insatiable drive to acquire and use more and more? And does that make you want to be an agent of healing? A declaration of life's interdependence is a sign of spiritual progress."

— Elizabeth Lesser

"The ultimate goal of being ourselves in an authentic way is actually about loving ourselves in a generous way. If we truly love ourselves, most of what we worry about and even much of what we strive for in life becomes meaningless. We may still have some worries, and we'll definitely continue to have goals, dreams and desires. However, from a place of true self-appreciation and self-love, the fear behind our worries and the motivation for our goals dramatically changes from something we have to avoid or produce in order to be accepted and valued, to something we we're genuinely concerned about or really want to accomplish."

— Mike Robbins

"I believe there's a calling for all of us. I know that every human being has value and purpose. The real work of our lives is to become aware. And awakened. To answer the call."

— Oprah

"You have to make mistakes to find out who you aren't. You take the action, and the insight follows: You don't think your way into becoming yourself."

— Anne Lamott , O, The Oprah Magazine contributor

"Seeking purpose is part of how we're wired—by doing something that endures, we prove that we were here, that we mattered. Clare Boothe Luce once told John F. Kennedy, 'A great man is one sentence. Abraham Lincoln's was "He preserved the Union and freed the slaves." What's yours?' If you can't seem to access your purpose in life, I've found the best place to start is with Luce's question."

— Daniel Pink

"Write down your goals. Don't worry if they are reasonable or not. The first step is to acknowledge them. Keep a journal or a little pad of paper, and write down your goals as well as the changes you create and the intuitive information you receive. Review this every day, and you will see how powerful you are at creating your own life and having an effect on the lives of those around you."

— Laura Day , intuition expert

"Find time to reconnect with the woman you used to be—the one your partner fell in love with. Make time for old interests, forgotten girlfriends and grooming rituals. Take long walks through the woods or along the shore. … Activities such as these recharge your independence and reconnect you to your femininity—things we often lose track of in the stress of day-to-day life."

— Dr. Laura Berman

"Stop censoring your actions. Be you—the only you there is. No one else is qualified for the job. Have fun, have a sense of humor and have a million laughs. Be an optimist; be the person you were as a child. Do something new, exciting and different. Look at life from a different point of view. Get curious; ask a trillion questions and experience the joy in looking for the answers. Make new friends and cherish the old (some are silver and the others gold). Invite creativity to become as much a part of the fabric of your daily life as your everyday routines like making the bed, cooking meals, cleaning the house and caring for the people you love. Look at these everyday, seemingly mundane tasks and see where you can infuse them with spirit, individuality and fun.

"This quote by Gilda Radner, the comedian who died too young, is a great reminder of the importance of being you: 'While we have the gift of life, it seems to me the only tragedy is to allow part of us to die, whether it is our spirit, our creativity or our glorious uniqueness.'

"I believe that we each have the individual responsibility to bring forth ourselves into the world."

— Sandra Magsamen

The best way to find out whether you're on the right path? Stop looking at the path. André Gide wrote, "A straight path never leads anywhere except to the objective." To know whether you should be turning from the path you're on, you have to be alert to the signs you see along the way. The practice of looking for the strong moments in your everyday experience and tipping your life toward them will serve you immeasurably. Here are some indications that you're moving in a strengthening direction:

You are engaging your strengths most of the time.
You think about your work outside of work hours, solving problems, considering new approaches.
You feel a sense of contributing to something greater than yourself.
You share your work experiences with the people you care about—speaking about them, writing about them. The stories you tell are filled with positive feelings.
You hunger to learn more about your chosen career and seek out ways to grow—you don't need to be given incentives to learn.
You seek new and creative ways of tackling routine tasks. You have lots of ideas on how to approach your work.
You have the energy and creativity to tackle any setbacks that you're faced with.
No one needs to dangle a carrot in front of your nose to motivate you or inspire you to contribute extra effort.
When you wake in the morning, though you may be tired, you positively anticipate what the day holds for you.

It's a continuous practice finding your strongest life. It takes attention, care, curiosity and fluidity. You will be surprised at times at what you find. You may find moments that lead you in a direction that doesn't fit with the vision that you initially set for yourself. Trust your moments. Stay open to their messages. They are incredible guiding gifts.

— Marcus Buckingham

Photo by Llima Bove

"What I know for sure is that every sunrise is like a new page, a chance to right ourselves and receive each day in all its glory. Each day is a wonder."

— Oprah

"When you trust and act on your intuition, you increase your self-esteem, build trust in yourself, and experience a profound sense of security that no relationship or amount of money will ever give you."

How to Listen to Your Intuition

Rev up your intuition by starting to use it for less important decision-making choices such as the right meal to eat or the best movie to see.
When making important decisions, get quiet and ask yourself for guidance. Close your eyes, take a few deep breaths and focus on a question. Notice any images, thoughts, sounds or feelings that occur to you.
Be willing to make mistakes in order to strengthen your relationship with your inner guidance system. As you learn to act on your intuition, act on the wisdom you receive, even if you're not sure whether or not it's the right direction.
Don't worry about making the "perfect" decision!

— Cheryl Richardson

Listen to your inner voice. It takes practice to hear your true desires. Your passion will often come as a whisper or serendipitous event that reminds you of what's important and what makes you happy.

This is similar to what is meant by trusting your gut or listening to your intuition. Award-winning actress Sissy Spacek has attributed her success to an experience she had as a young girl, attending a student performance at a neighboring school. Upon seeing a group of girls dancing on the stage, twirling batons and marching in line, Sissy thought to herself, "I could do that."

"Everyone has an inner voice; you just have to listen to it and trust it in order to be led by it," Sissy says. "I did that, and it gave me the ability to live a life that's true to who I am and what I really wanted."

9 more ways to open up to your life's purpose

"You can turn a corner. You can be happy again. You can live."

— Robin Givens

"Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly."

— Dr. Robin Smith

"If you don't appreciate what you have in life right now, whatever it is, you will never realize your purpose. Without appreciation, you will never become strong enough to respect yourself."

— Caroline Myss

"Each human being is a gift, and we each have our own unique dream and purpose for living. We each must mine our imaginations, creativity and souls to uncover our true purposes and passions.

"Our dreams are magic, and if respected, nurtured and honored, they ultimately bring an abundance of meaning and purpose to our lives. Dreams guide us as we reach for the stars, follow our heart's desire and do the things we are passionate about. Dreams help weave the fabric of who we are, and they reveal what matters most to us. They allow our spirits to shine, and they reflect our uniqueness and authenticity."

— Sandra Magsamen

"Align your personality with your soul. Until that happens, you won't be able to give the gifts you were meant to."

Remind yourself daily of the following:

You are a soul first and a personality second.
You are worthy. You are not on this Earth by accident. You have a reason to be here. There's a difference between accepting that in your mind and accepting in your heart.
It's not an "it" that you're looking for—it's your life that you're living.
You are here to create an authentically empowered life. There is no guarantee you will do it. It's up to you.

— Gary Zukav

Who Are You?

Write a curriculum vitae in 15 lines or less—not a résumé, but a description you might give to someone introducing you as a speaker.
Repeat the exercise, but write your description as if it were 15 to 20 years from now.

Start thinking about what it would take to get from the first introduction to the second. In CEO lingo, this kind of thinking is called gap analysis.
Most people have trouble with this exercise, according to Ronna. While many of us often worry about our careers, we don't take the time to think about them in a focused way. To help the process, Ronna suggests asking yourself these questions:

Do you know what your most valuable skills are?
Could you write an ad for yourself?
Do you sometimes feel there's something stopping you from reaching your potential?

— Ronna Lichtenberg , author and career consultant

Create a "What I Enjoy" List

"As simple as this may sound, it is very important for you to make one. This list should include everything that brings you pleasure and passion in life. If you aren't sure what brings you joy right now, think back to what used to bring you joy. This may require some exploration, but what did you do when you were a little kid that brought a smile on your face? Did you used to go horseback riding? Walk outside in a garden? Whatever it may be, write it down. This list doesn't mean that you have to do them every day. It's just to make you aware that there are things in the world that do make you feel alive. If you are able to do something you enjoy at least once a week, do it and help yourself feel alive in that moment. You have to behave the way you want to feel before you feel the way you are behaving! It's about opening yourself up to a new experience or something that you stopped doing. Try to rediscover what it feels like to look or feel differently from the 'not enoughness' you have been putting into your head for a long time now. When you start doing this, you will launch yourself back into aliveness!"

— Dr. Robin Smith

"Being fully aware of ourselves is about looking more deeply within. This can be challenging, confusing and scary for some of us, myself included. We often aren't sure where to look, what to do or how to deal with the aspects of ourselves we don't understand or even like. There are times I find myself wanting to avoid or deny certain aspects of myself, rather than confront them and deal with them directly based on my own fear or self-judgment. However, as we're willing to really go within ourselves, know who we are and make peace with ourselves, we can create what we truly want in life. As Eckhart Tolle says in his best-selling book A New Earth , 'Only the truth of who you are, if realized, will set you free.'"

— Mike Robbins

"We've forgotten where happiness really is. It's your original nature. That's why authenticity is the key to happiness—because the more true you are to yourself, the happier you'll be.

"We've put happiness outside of ourselves; we've put it into our job, into our bank account, our relationships. You've become so preoccupied with the search for happiness that you've actually forgotten that you're already happy. Searching mode makes happiness external: It's an outward-directed activity. Following your joy is an internal one."

— Dr. Robert Holden , happiness expert