Self-Help Advice That Works
What to Try: Identify your hidden rage.
Most of us don't know how angry we really are, writes Andrea Brandt, PhD, a psychologist and the author of Mindful Anger: A Pathway to Emotional Freedom. One of the most common problems, especially for women, is "substituting anxiety for anger." Anxiety is more socially acceptable, she writes, and so our rage gets transformed—without our knowing—into "jumpiness, racing thoughts, constant motion." Next time you're up at 2 a.m., worried about work or climate change, she advises in chapter one: Stop, breath and wait for the anger to rise inside you. You may even have to prompt yourself by asking, "I know there's nobody to blame here, but it there were, who would it be?" or, “What caused me to be so worried? Was there something that might have made me angry before I began to panic?" Once you identify your anger—the force of it may be surprising. The exercise allows you to name what it is that you need but are not getting—and to change things in order for you to get it (now).