Let Go of Negative Messages
Step 3 to Your Best Sex Life
Photo: © 2008 Jupiterimages
Did you grow up thinking that sex was vulgar or "not something nice girls did"? Those negative messages you received as a child could be affecting your sex life today. Learn how to replace them with positive messages and reclaim your sex life.
1. Start a Sex Journal
Growing up, you may have received some negative messages about sex along the way. Now is the time to move beyond those old beliefs and embrace the fact that you are a grown woman who doesn't have to carry the beliefs of those who raised you.
Start by writing down the negative messages you received growing up or the messages you picked up from your parents' relationships. When you are ready to let them go, you can cross them out, rip out the page—anything that will symbolize letting go to you.
Then, take a moment to document the situations where these moments came up in your life. This way, you'll become more conscious of when old messages surface.
When those messages do pop in your head, it's important to replace them with positive thoughts. So go ahead and create a new sexual mantra! Here are a few to get you started:
- This is good.
- I am entitled to sexual pleasure.
- I am a sensual, sexual woman.
- I'm allowed to feel this.
- This is good for my body.
- This is good for my soul.
- This is good for my relationship.
- I am entitled to a healthy, happy sex life.
- I deserve pleasure, and receiving pleasure is a loving act.
- I am sexy and beautiful.
- A good sex life is good for me and good for my body.
- Sex is about expressing my love and connection to the person I love.
- Loving myself and touching myself is good and healthy for me.
- I embrace my body and my sexuality.
- Experiencing pleasure is an important part of my quality of life.
- By loving myself I am better able to love my partner.
- Receiving pleasure is as important as giving pleasure.
- Loving my sexuality is loving myself,
- Sex is the most sacred gift I can share with myself and someone I love.
- I am a sensual, loving woman who can experience deep pleasure.
- I open myself to pleasure.
- I am safe and in control. It's OK to let go.
Go ahead and say it, "I am a vixen!" Whether it's taking a pole dancing class or just dancing at home by yourself, find activities that make you feel sexy and playful.
3. Try Something New
Whether it's a new position or a sex toy, try mixing things up a bit. Sex toys can also help you achieve orgasm if you're having trouble. Not sure which product is right for you? Take the quiz!
You can keep a private sex journal on Oprah.com. Start a private blog.
Step 4: See Your Doctor