Step 2: Validating
Why it's not enough just to listen to your partner.

It's not enough just to listen, you must learn to pay close attention in order to understand your partner's truth. "It's not enough just to be heard," says Dr. Harville Hendrix, "It's 'Do you see that I'm not crazy?'"

Validating Exercise
  • Your partner does not have to agree with your argument to validate it.
  • In order to validate your message, he needs to use the right language. He should use sentences like this: "You make sense because..." or "I can see what you're saying...." Using the phrase, "makes sense" may be helpful—it tells you that your partner doesn't think your feelings are crazy.
  • Your partner must make certain that you feel validated before moving on. If you do, move on to the next step.

Next: Put yourself in his shoes


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