Do You Recognize These Signs of a One-Sided Relationship?
Some things are better one-sided: An ice cream cone you don't want to share, your high school diary, and a game of solitaire—for example. But a healthy relationship? That's a two-sided situation. Unfortunately, when you're stuck in a one-sided relationship, it's easy to fool yourself into thinking that what you're experiencing is normal—when it could actually be toxic, or even loveless, says Jill P. Weber Ph.D. clinical psychologist and author of Having Sex, Wanting Intimacy: Why Women Settle for One-Sided Relationships. So how do you know if you're giving more than you're getting? We asked the experts to share some tell-tale signs.
You're constantly second-guessing yourself.
Am I pretty enough? Smart enough? Funny enough? Weber says that if you find that you're repeatedly asking yourself whether you live up to your partner's expectations, it's possible that your relationship is one-sided. "You are focusing your attention and energy more on being liked than on truly being known and nurtured," she says. Instead, she recommends learning to be authentic within yourself. In doing so, you will attract relationships that match the true you.
You apologize more than you need to.
Sure, sometimes you're at fault. But if you end up saying you're sorry EVERY. SINGLE. FIGHT it's time to take a deeper look at your relationship. You may think you're helping by not rocking the boat, but this kind of behavior is an unhealthy sign. "Avoiding conflict results in dismissing your own feelings," says Cori Dixon-Fyle, founder and psychotherapist at Thriving Path. Relationship expert Dr. Juliana Morris agrees. "Conflict resolution in a relationship should be a team approach," she says. "It should never be one person's responsibility."
You're always making excuses for your partner.
Playing defense is good...on the soccer field. But if you're consistently justifying your partner's behavior to your circle of friends, family and work then it's likely they are seeing something you are not. "In my former marriage, I remember often saying 'He's just cranky today,'" says certified relationship expert Keren Eldad. "Turns out, he was not. He was abusive." Eldad stresses, "If all the others in your life are alarmed, you may have reason to be, too."
You feel insecure about your relationship.
If you often question the status of your relationship and are never truly at ease with your partner, then that's a sign that you are in a one-sided relationship, according to Weber. If you can't stop analyzing how you can be more alluring, and what you can say or wear to keep your partner desiring you, because you feel so unsettled, that could be a red flag. To be all-consumed with the relationship is not only exhausting, it's not sustainable, Weber says. Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW, relationship expert and author agrees: "If you're constantly feeling depleted, you're working too hard in the relationship," she says.
Read the full story here: Do You Recognize These Signs of a One-Sided Relationship?