Hattie's Epic Plan for Her Tell-All Memoir

Episode 318: "Hattie's Memoirs"

After Hattie spots a hearse parked across the street from her house for several days, she calls on Floyd to put her mind at ease. She believes the hearse is a bad omen, and she can't shake the feeling that her time may be running out. Floyd tries to reassure her, pointing out that her neighbor, Mr. Jones, works for a funeral home, which could explain the presence of the car. But Hattie has learned that Mr. Jones died, so she thinks the hearse can only be a sign of trouble.

Hattie begins to fantasize about how her obituary will read, but when she realizes that Linda would be the one responsible for recounting her life story, Hattie takes matters into her own hands. Hattie plans to write a memoir, hoping to be remembered for her "glory years" in the circus after she's passed. Floyd is skeptical of the ambitious project, doubting that she has anything interesting of note to cull from her life story. Still, Hattie's determined to follow through on her grandiose vision of "the life and times of the one and only Hattie Mae."

Later, at the diner, Floyd is none too happy when he reads the results. Hattie's memoir is chock-full of private and embarrassing details about everyone important to her. Linda and Philip are equally horrified as they read through her salacious account. The tension is especially palpable when Philip learns a few unexpected details about his wife's former dating life. Sam, Drew, Danny and Troy are also shocked and enraged by Hattie's descriptions of them—especially Drew, who objects to Hattie's portrayal of her as a "lonely spinster."

After realizing that Hattie's memoir reads more like an exposé, they all gather at the diner to face the fallout from their revealed secrets and to figure out their next move. Linda leads the charge to Hattie's house, where they plan to find and burn every copy of the memoir. When Hattie comes home to find them ransacking her place, she makes no apologies for what she's written. She stands by what she believes to be a truthful account of events. Hattie believes in the memoir so much, in fact, that it turns out she attempted to get it published. But to everyone's great relief, her memoir was rejected. Hattie, browbeaten, worries that no one will remember her after she has passed away without the provocative publication. But Linda promises her mother that they'll be sure to remember her—along with everything she wrote about them—long after she's gone.

Watch a featured moment from this episode in the video above.