Social Lab Work: 2 Healing Exercises for Daddyless Daughters
Healing Step 1: Neutralizing Emotions with Forgiveness
(a) Make a list and get in touch with all of the emotions attached to missing your daddy (for example, sadness, anger, disappointment, abandonment, bitterness, feeling unimportant, confusion, sorrow, fear, grief, etc.).
(b) Explore each of the emotions by completing the following statements, doing so for each emotion you listed above:
c. Use the following statements to begin the forgiveness process for each of the emotions you have identified. Only forgiveness can neutralize the toxic emotions attached to thoughts and beliefs about your father's absence/lack of presence.
Healing Step 2: Putting the Story to Rest
This is a five-day process. It need not be done on consecutive days.
Day 1
Write a letter to your father detailing and describing to him how you feel about his absence/ lack of presence (regardless of whether it was as a result of his death or a voluntary absence). Include what you believe you missed, what you want him to know about how you have lived, and, more importantly, what you want/need from him now. Be sure to include everything you have thought, felt and experienced, as well as what you believe has occurred or not occurred in your life, as a result of his absence. Give yourself permission to share everything, and resist the temptation to edit your thoughts and feelings.
Day 2
Review your letter, making any changes you feel necessary. Rewrite the letter, limiting yourself to 500 words and including only what you feel is most important for him to know or for you to say.
Day 3
Review your 500-word letter, making any changes you feel necessary. Rewrite the letter, now limiting yourself to 250 words and including only what you feel is most important for him to know or for you to say.
Day 4
Review your 250-word letter, making any changes you feel necessary. Rewrite the letter, now limiting yourself to 100 words and including only what you feel is most important for him to know or for you to say.
Day 5
The next day, review your 100-word letter, making any changes you feel necessary. Rewrite the letter, now limiting yourself to 50 words and including only what you feel is most important for him to know or for you to say. Your 50-word letter can be burned, buried, flushed or put in a special place like a Bible, journal or any place you feel is sacred. The intention is to express your feelings, open your heart and put your story into a context that is more identifiable and manageable. This will support you in making better choices rather than falling into the trap of giving yourself excuses. It is possible to get the story into 25 words or less. Here is my example: My father was a fatherless son. He gave me all of who he was and what he had. It was enough.
(a) Make a list and get in touch with all of the emotions attached to missing your daddy (for example, sadness, anger, disappointment, abandonment, bitterness, feeling unimportant, confusion, sorrow, fear, grief, etc.).
(b) Explore each of the emotions by completing the following statements, doing so for each emotion you listed above:
- If my father had been present in my life, I wouldn't feel (emotion identified) because _____________________.
- If I had a father who provided for me, I wouldn't feel (emotion identified) because _____________________.
- If I had a father who cared for me, I wouldn't feel (emotion identified) because _____________________.
c. Use the following statements to begin the forgiveness process for each of the emotions you have identified. Only forgiveness can neutralize the toxic emotions attached to thoughts and beliefs about your father's absence/lack of presence.
- I forgive myself for thinking the (emotion identified) I feel is attached to my father.
- I forgive myself for believing the (emotion identified) I feel is attached to my father.
- I now choose to surrender (emotion identified) at the deepest level of my being.
Healing Step 2: Putting the Story to Rest
This is a five-day process. It need not be done on consecutive days.
Day 1
Write a letter to your father detailing and describing to him how you feel about his absence/ lack of presence (regardless of whether it was as a result of his death or a voluntary absence). Include what you believe you missed, what you want him to know about how you have lived, and, more importantly, what you want/need from him now. Be sure to include everything you have thought, felt and experienced, as well as what you believe has occurred or not occurred in your life, as a result of his absence. Give yourself permission to share everything, and resist the temptation to edit your thoughts and feelings.
Day 2
Review your letter, making any changes you feel necessary. Rewrite the letter, limiting yourself to 500 words and including only what you feel is most important for him to know or for you to say.
Day 3
Review your 500-word letter, making any changes you feel necessary. Rewrite the letter, now limiting yourself to 250 words and including only what you feel is most important for him to know or for you to say.
Day 4
Review your 250-word letter, making any changes you feel necessary. Rewrite the letter, now limiting yourself to 100 words and including only what you feel is most important for him to know or for you to say.
Day 5
The next day, review your 100-word letter, making any changes you feel necessary. Rewrite the letter, now limiting yourself to 50 words and including only what you feel is most important for him to know or for you to say. Your 50-word letter can be burned, buried, flushed or put in a special place like a Bible, journal or any place you feel is sacred. The intention is to express your feelings, open your heart and put your story into a context that is more identifiable and manageable. This will support you in making better choices rather than falling into the trap of giving yourself excuses. It is possible to get the story into 25 words or less. Here is my example: My father was a fatherless son. He gave me all of who he was and what he had. It was enough.
