lasting relationship advice

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5. You and Your Partner Are More Alike Than You Realize

We know from research that, in fact, opposites don't really attract. You just think they do because, "it's the dissimilarities that jump out at you," says Chris Crandall, PhD, a professor of psychology at the University of Kansas. "For example, you both hate martial arts movies, but that never comes up, so the fact that you both dislike them is completely unremarkable to you." When you focus on X, Y and Z ways you're different, you miss areas A through W that you're alike, and trying to make those tiny, likely insignificant differences disappear is a waste of time and effort. When researchers interviewed more than 4,000 people (including romantic partners and friends) to see if, over time, their pre-existing opinions led to some kind of change in the other person, "the answer was a resounding no," says Crandall, lead author of the recent study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. So maybe it's time to accept the fact that he'll only read non-fiction or even disagrees with your political beliefs and focus on the million other ways that you are in sync.