A Divorce Mediator Reveals Her No. 1 Piece of Advice
Illustration: Beth Hoeckel
In a divorce, I once represented a woman who insisted on fighting for her marital bed, which her husband had made and given to her and now wanted back. Finally, I pulled her aside and said, “Do you realize how much money you’re spending fighting over this?” When people are overwhelmed with emotion, they lose all perspective.
As a mediator, I let my clients vent a little, but if things get heated, I’ll take a break with each person separately so they feel they’re being heard. Through my body language and eye contact, I let them know I see them as a human being. People often want payback: “I should get the house because he had an affair.” But I push couples to remember the goal: You want a resolution. Instead of focusing on the past, think about what you want the future to look like, and how we can get there.
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As a mediator, I let my clients vent a little, but if things get heated, I’ll take a break with each person separately so they feel they’re being heard. Through my body language and eye contact, I let them know I see them as a human being. People often want payback: “I should get the house because he had an affair.” But I push couples to remember the goal: You want a resolution. Instead of focusing on the past, think about what you want the future to look like, and how we can get there.
Want more stories like this delivered to your inbox? Sign up for the Oprah.com Relationships Newsletter!
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