Make a list of all the people with whom you regularly interact. Next, list environments you inhabit—your office, your car, rooms in your home. Finally, list your usual activities, from relaxation (ha-ha! just kidding!) to laundry to office meetings. Now imagine each item separately while noticing how your body reacts. Tension, jaw-clenching, or churning are signs you're plugged into a heater. Muscle relaxation, spontaneous smiles, sighs of relief show you're chilling.
You may not be able to eliminate the "heaters" from your life, but you can—and must—unplug from them every few hours and plug into "coolers" instead. Detach from your sick child, even for a few minutes, to call a healthy friend. Stop doing paperwork and read a novel for 20 minutes. Leave all technology and reconnect with nature—petting puppies, walking in the park—whenever possible.
Chill Principle 5: Practice peace.
I love watching TV cooking contests where grown adults go into full-scale hysterics over things like overboiled pasta. Since I'm not a foodie, I find it hilarious when people sacrifice their peace of mind to the Cuisine Gods. On the other hand, when my computer recently contracted a virus, sending early drafts of work instead of the final draft, my head nearly exploded like a popcorn kernel.
The fact is, all of us can eat soft pasta, correct computer errors, even fight an illness—in panic or in peace. But choosing peace doesn't just happen; it's a skill that takes regular practice to master. Choose and use such a practice, whether it's prayer or simply clearing your mind. Though you may never reach Yoda-level equanimity, devoting even five minutes a day to telling yourself I am all right in this moment builds increasingly effective air-conditioning into your body and mind.
I've been to the bleary-eyed burnout stage, and I'm here to attest that these simple suggestions work. They aren't difficult. Today, start grazing. Lie down for ten minutes and just breathe. Unplug from the chaos of life long enough to connect with whatever calms you. Tonight, choose to sleep; finishing that project or supervising that homework isn't worth your health, and you'll do it faster when you're rested, anyway. In fact, everything works better when you stop playing Joan of Arc. Refuse to burn. Claim the time it takes to be happy. Everything you value will benefit as you learn to keep your cool.
Martha Beck is the author of seven books. Visit her online at marthabeck.com.
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