Your Call to Action

Illustrations: Rachel Sumpter, Photos: Peter Rosa

Your Call to Action
Every great quest begins with a single step. And you—yes, you—are just the person to take it.

Chances are, there's something you'd love to do if only you weren't so scared. You'd become a midwife or climb a mountain—or just stop trying so hard to be agreeable all the time. If only you were a courageous person! Somebody who wouldn't hesitate to take a swing at the dragon, even as its fiery breath singed her brows.

The thing is, you are telling yourself a story right now, and it's a story with a surprising twist: "Everybody is afraid at times," says psychologist Robert Biswas-Diener, whose book The Courage Quotient: How Science Can Make You Braver includes interviews with people from all walks of life who have committed acts of gutsiness: started a business, rowed alone across the Indian Ocean, testified against a criminal in court. "I'm scared of everything—flying, being in high places, eating new foods—but I do that stuff anyway," Biswas-Diener says. "In fact, it's not a courageous action if you aren't afraid." (Note that Merriam-Webster's definition of "courageous" is not "being totally invincible.")

Another plot twist: Just as everyone is afraid, everyone is brave. But we suffer from "courage blindness," says Biswas-Diener, which leads us to discount the extraordinary bravery of our ordinary deeds. "People forget mundane acts of courage, like moving to another state or even getting married," he says. "Yet if you can take stock of your past bravery and make it part of your identity, you may find it easier to face something intimidating."

Because we know you're bold enough, we're sending you on a quest to do the thing you think you can't. First you'll cast off your courage blinders to discover the ways in which you're already brave. Then you'll find sage advice, magic spells and a plan for your journey, so you can finally slay the beast and get to the thing you want most. It's the surest way to live happily ever after.
What Kind of Heroine Are You?

Illustration: Rachel Sumpter

What Kind of Heroine Are You?
Go ahead—find the part you were born to play.

The Adventurer


Your motto: "You must do the thing you cannot do." —Eleanor Roosevelt

Skydiving? Dinner for 40? Facials involving bird poop? You're game to try it all. While your palms may sweat a little, you simply won't turn down a challenge. You're the first to raise your hand for a daunting work project you're not even sure you know how to tackle. You'll buy—and wear—harem pants. Because you recognize that the worst-case scenarios usually happen only in our imagination, you're able to manage your fears and try things others wouldn't touch.

The Truth Teller


Your motto: "If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything." —Mark Twain

For better or worse, you're not one to bite your tongue. If you think your sister should break up with her spineless boyfriend, you'll let her know. If you don't want to host yet another bake sale at your child's school, you'll turn down the PTA. If you're offended by someone's off-color joke, you'll say it wasn't funny. You have a strong sense of your values and aren't afraid to stand up for what you believe, even if those around you can't handle the truth.

The Charmer


Your motto: "Each contact with a human being is so rare, so precious, one should preserve it." —Anaïs Nin

You can talk to anyone, anywhere, and you pull it off not just with ease but with sincerity. You've made new friends in line at Starbucks, on your commute, even during jury duty. And in situations where others might get tongue-tied—entering a room full of strangers, mingling with the top brass at the office—you seem right at home. You have no idea where a simple hello will lead—and that's exactly what excites you.

The Performer


Your motto: "All the world's a stage." —Shakespeare

You're a ham, and you know it. You love the spotlight, and it loves you right back. You're the one who takes the floor at cocktail parties with the most animated stories, you've never met a conga line you wouldn't lead and you're secure enough to sit in the front row at the comedy show (because you actually want to get roasted). You understand the fear of being publicly embarrassed or just looking ridiculous, but you know it's a waste of time. You'd rather be in the center of the action than sitting on the sidelines wondering if everyone's judging you.
The Adventurer

Illustration: Rachel Sumpter, Photo: Peter Rosa

The Adventurer
Adventure may not be what gets you up in the morning—but even the risk-averse can enjoy a little thrill or two once in a while, says Susan Casey.

I've camped all over rural Mexico, heli-skied the Cariboos, boated in 50-foot seas, canopy-jumped in Central America, horse-packed into the Colorado wilderness, eaten rattlesnake soup in China and trained as a rifle sharpshooter. Recently, I moved to Hawaii because my favorite thing is to swim in the ocean with animals that are bigger than I am. I admit that my idea of fun can be extreme. But seeking adventure doesn't have to mean BASE-jumping from El Capitan (unless you want to, that is). It can mean taking a solo vacation. It can mean finally adopting a puppy. It means anything you want to do but haven't done yet because you're afraid something bad might happen. In fact, doing it despite the fear is what makes it an adventure.

So, you wanna play? Excellent. First, toss out the notion of fearlessness as an ideal state. It's impossible to achieve anyway, thanks to your amygdala, an ancient part of the brain that does its best to scare you into staying safe. But if you can learn to use fear constructively, to separate worthwhile worries from nervous-Nellie mind chatter, you will feel so liberated. (It can help to remember that fear is relative and subjective. I've had encounters with tiger sharks that didn't rattle me in the slightest and moments with rampaging 2-year-olds that struck terror into my heart.)

Second, when you do feel that twinge of what if—the hesitation that keeps you from taking a risk—don't fight it. Acknowledge it, respect it, evaluate it. Then act anyway. Because the scariest thing imaginable, if you ask me, is a life in which you don't occasionally feel fear. Secure and predictable is overrated and, worse, boring. Think back to the most soul-stirring experiences you've had and you'll likely find that somewhere in there was a squirt of adrenaline, a tremble of uncertainty that you forged past to get to the glorious feeling that awaited you on the other side: exhilaration.
The Charmer

Illustration: Rachel Sumpter, Photo: Peter Rosa

The Charmer
"Hi! What's your name? Where'd you get that purse? Are you married?" Gayle King is dying to know—and is happy to help you become a little more outgoing, too.

I was a Chatty Cathy in school, the girl who was always getting in trouble for talking in class. I remember on the playground in sixth grade one of the other kids said, "Gayle, you just like hearing people's problems." That's true, I do. But I'm also fascinated by what people are thinking about, what makes them happy. I love talking to people. I'll notice what someone is wearing or reading or doing, and I'll ask about it. On a plane I'll say, "So what are you doing when we get there?" I'll ask a couple how they met, how long they've been together. "What is it about him that you love so much?" And to the horror of my children, I also like giving people unsolicited advice. I'm not trying to be nosy; I'm just genuinely curious, and always looking for ways to be helpful. (Recently, a guy on a plane told me all about the girl he was dating. "I haven't met her," I said, "but I don't think she's the One." I don't know, I just had a feeling.) I love when people say, "I can't believe I'm telling you this."

I know conversing with strangers isn't easy for everyone. Maybe you don't want to be rejected, or you worry you'll run out of things to say. But I promise you: People like to talk about themselves. If it's too hard to start a conversation, do the next best thing and smile. Look them in the eye. (And if that's too hard, look at their nose—they can't tell the difference.) Acknowledge them. For instance, I know the guy who cleans the building at CBS, Jose—he's been there over 30 years. One morning I just said, "Hey! It's 4:30 in the morning—what time do you get here?" At first he was afraid to answer me, I could tell. So I said, "Oh, you're gonna act like you can't see me?" Now he's like, "Hey!" People appreciate it when you notice them. So if you're ever worried about approaching someone, ask yourself: "Why would anybody get upset that someone found them interesting?"
The Truth Teller

Illustration: Rachel Sumpter, Photo: Peter Rosa

The Truth Teller
It's not that Valerie Monroe is rude. It's just that she says what she's thinking—right or wrong, good or bad—and advises you to do the same.

When one of my favorite colleagues returned to the office from a blowout appointment not too long ago, I called it the way I saw it. "Geezus, L.," I said. "You should get your money back." (I know: blunt.) There was something going on in the bang area I felt was unforgivable for a professional stylist. L.'s perhaps predictable response: "Thanks a lot, Val."

I've always found it much easier to be honest than to lie. But as a beauty editor, being truthful presents special challenges: No matter what she tells you, no one wants to hear anything that even gently suggests she's less than attractive, and when you're talking beauty, that's the dicey territory in which you find yourself. At an industry event recently, a woman asked me what I thought of her skin. She was about my age, deeply tanned and very wrinkled. A smoker, I thought, for sure. Her skin was damaged; it aged her a lot. "We all start to show some signs of wear and tear eventually," I told her. (True.) "It's inevitable." (True.) "What's most important is what you think about your skin, because then you can figure out how you want to treat it." (Also true.)

It turned out she thought her complexion looked just fine, thank you, though it often felt a bit dry. So I recommended a serum (and an SPF 50 sunscreen). I'm not likely to offer the whole truth when I think it will be hurtful. But when I anticipate that it could be helpful, what's the problem with telling it exactly like it is? I'm not judging you; I'm only making an honest observation—often one that anyone can see. Disagree with me? That's okay, and have a nice day! In fact, being helpful is what it's all about for me. When my colleague balked at my comment about her hair, I told her, "Your bad blowout is not your fault." I grabbed a hair dryer, steered her into the office bathroom and showed her how to fix her bangs. "Better!" she said, admiring the improvement. Truthfully, it was.
The Performer

Illustration: Rachel Sumpter, Photo: Peter Rosa

The Performer
Calling all wallflowers: Zoe Donaldson wants you to leave the periphery and join the party.

Six years ago, on a blustery Maine night, in my college's dingy theater—which was sardine packed with peers, professors, a handful of confused locals and Sigourney Weaver—I performed an experimental art piece in my underwear. I've also belted (okay, yodeled) Alanis Morissette numbers in karaoke bars from Spain to Colorado, given impromptu toasts at countless parties ("Even when I played a prostitute, Grandma always supported my acting....") and been first on the dance floor for as long as I can recall. (Last summer I was also first to split my pants on said dance floor.) I'm not immune to fear, but for me the rewards of being bold have always surpassed the risks.

Through all the speeches, splits, and soaring renditions of "Son of a Preacher Man," I've never had any trouble exposing my good, my bad and my seriously ugly, because each of these feats brought me closer to someone, or even a lot of someones. What makes these memories so special, so vibrant, are the good folks I shared them with—the laughs I had with friends, the hands that lifted me (and helped me find a new pair of pants). Opening yourself up can inspire others to do the same. I'm the first to dip it low—but it's never long before others eagerly follow suit.

You may never get to publicly disrobe for Sigourney Weaver, but that's not exactly the point. Yes, my comfort zone happens to be as big as Texas, but I imagine there are circumstances when you feel safe enough to reveal your inner entertainer—and trust me, she's in there. Let me gently nudge you toward the microphone by reminding you that with every act of bravery comes the chance to experience something spectacular: joy, hilarity, kindness, love, connection. It's not a foolproof equation; there's no guarantee. All I really have is a hypothesis based on anecdotal evidence. But I bet you'll have a lot of fun testing it out. Now, let's boogie.
Magic Tricks

Illustration: Rachel Sumpter

Magic Tricks
A few secret weapons for the dauntless woman's arsenal.

A Superhero Outfit
Recent research from the University of Hertfordshire, in England, found that students rated themselves as superior and even physically stronger when they wore Superman shirts. (Your uniform can be anything that makes you feel mighty—cowboy boots, for instance.)

Your Own Tale of Courage
Think of a moment when you felt powerful—you finished the half marathon, aced the presentation—then spend a few minutes writing about the experience. In a 2013 study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, subjects who were "power primed" by this exercise made significantly more positive impressions on mock job interviewers.

A Mantra
Positive self-talk can engage the parasympathetic nervous system, which slows breathing and heart rate, says Christopher Bergland, author of The Athlete's Way: Sweat and the Biology of Bliss. Bergland likes this line from early-20th-century writer Corra Harris: "The bravest thing to do when you are not brave is to profess courage and act accordingly."
Pep talk

Photo: Peter Rosa

The Greatest Pep Talk Ever
Want to get motivated, fired up, psyched, ready to take on the world? All you have to do is fill in the blanks.

Step 1: Confront Your Fears

If I were truly brave, I would           [what's the one thing you really want to do?]          . But I've been telling myself I can't because           [list all the reasons you've put off getting started]          . Really, though, the worst thing that could happen is           [how bad could it be?]          .

My bravest friend,           [name]          , would tell me to          [what sage advice would he or she give?]          . But I'm afraid other people, like           [who are these negatrons?]          , will say           [what's the worst they could come up with]          .If that happens, I'll respond by           [you'll feel more confident if you have a plan]          .

Step 2: Call In Reinforcements

Asking for help doesn't make me look weak. When things get hard, I'll call           [who is your greatest supporter?]           for backup because           [how will this person help you reach your goal?]           and           [who else?]           because           [how will this person help you reach your goal?]          . Having people on my team will make me feel           [stronger? more confident? safer?]          .

Step 3: Dare Yourself to Get Started

If I want to begin           [what's your goal again?]           right this minute, I can           [what's your first move?]          . Then, over the next few months, I can           [set mini goals]           and           [mini goal #2]           and          [mini goal #3]           . Even if           [can you predict some potential pitfalls?]           happen, I won't give up because           [be your own cheerleader!]          .