Gary Neuman and Oprah

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Whether you're newlyweds or nearing your 30th anniversary, Gary says there are three things couples can do to affair-proof their marriages.

1. According to Gary's research, appreciation is the number one way to prevent infidelity. "That's what the men reported," he says. "Men were saying that what they received from the other woman most, first and foremost in their mind, was a sense of appreciation and admiration."

When you recognize your husband's efforts, Gary says you'll get the same in return. "It's lovely to think that we should appreciate our spouses. Love them, not just for the things that they do extra, but for all the hard work that we do," he says. "The more that you give that appreciation, it will return to you."

2. The second way to stay connected to your spouse is to have more sex and embrace intimacy. "This is about how you can get much more pleasure from sex. A lot of women, I think, don't enjoy sex as much because they have difficulty receiving pleasure. Men are much better at that," Gary says. "You have to get better at receiving and taking kindness and pleasure for yourself."

3. The third thing to remember is that you have the right to have a conversation about cheating. Gary's research shows that 77 percent of cheaters said they had best friends who cheated, compared with less than 50 percent of the faithful group.

Instead of forbidding your husband from seeing his friends, Gary says you should be able to have an open conversation about where they're going. "A nice way to say to your husband some of these things is, 'Look, if my best friend was a cheater, and I told you that I was going away to Vegas with her on a girls' weekend, I would hope you'd have something to say about it,'" he says.

A good way to open up lines of communication is to go on one date a week, Gary says. However, there are a few rules you must follow while on the date. "[There are] three things you can't talk about—money, business and kids," he says. "It's not what got you here. Talk about fun, friendly things."
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FROM: How to Affair-Proof Your Marriage: Why Men Cheat Part 2
Published on December 31, 2008

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