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What Do I Do Now?
Do I have to send a gift?
by Jancee Dunn
O, The Oprah Magazine  |  From the May 2008 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine
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Q: My mother trained me to send gifts when I receive printed engagement, wedding, or birth announcements. Is the etiquette different with an e-mail alert?
  • Somehow our mothers managed to send out paper birth announcements and still have time left over to drive us around without car seats and let our grandparents hold us with cigarettes dangling out of their mouths. Today e-quid pro quo is the way to go. E-mail back a congratulations. Add an emoticon if you're feeling generous.
    — Faith Salie, host of the public radio show Fair Game from PRI with Faith Salie

  • Decide what you want to do based on your relationship with the person, not the form of announcement. Like it or not, e-mail announcements are here to stay.
    — Michele Warholic Wetherald, executive director of the American Association of University Women 

  • If you care about the couple, it's appropriate to send a present even if you learned about the birth by reading bathroom stall graffiti. Any gift that's motivated by sincere feelings is right.
    — Jack Marshall, president of ProEthics

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