Dr. Northrup wants you to have the best sex of your life—all you have to do is get in the right frame of mind. "The brain is the biggest sex organ in the body," she says. "You need to learn how to turn yourself on." Dr. Northrup recommends romance novels, weekend getaways with your lover and letting go of inhibitions by giving up perfection.
Once the mind is ready, there is another sex organ that needs attention. "Less than 25 percent of women reach orgasm only through intercourse, and the reason is that the clitoris needs more attention than it gets during intercourse. The clitoris has 8,000 nerve endings, whose sole purpose is pleasure."
Dr. Northrup's five steps to better sex:
- Get hormonal support if you have vaginal dryness. "If you've had a hysterectomy with your ovaries removed, you may need some hormonal support."
- You can either be angry or have pleasure—not both. "If you are pissed off chronically, you can't get turned on because the blood won't go where it needs to go."
- Practice self-cultivation (Dr. Northrup's word for masturbation). "Every woman needs to practice self-cultivation so she learns what feels good, what doesn't and [how] you can learn to feel more."
- Update your own sexual image. "There's an exercise you can do. Think of a sexy woman. You can walk down the street thinking that sexy woman is plastered to the left side of your body and breathe her in. You can have that essence in you."
- Learn how to receive, surrender and give feedback. "You need to learn to receive and surrender to pleasure—this is a discipline."
In addition to Dr. Northrup's tips, make sure there isn't a deeper issue contributing to your low sex drive. "Perimenopause and menopause, there's nothing about it that decreases frequency of orgasm or libido in a lot of women. However, a lot of women experience decreased libido because they've put a lot of problems in the relationship under the rug and they also need some time alone to rediscover themselves."