Understanding Your Emotional Style

In Tara Bennett-Goleman's book, Emotional Alchemy , she identifies 10 emotional styles that we all can identify. Your emotional style is your instinctive emotional reaction to situations. It's important to identify your emotional style, Tara adds, because it could be hurting your relationships, and ultimately keeping you from living your best life.

What's Your Emotional Style?
Most people can identify with at least one of these emotional styles. Read each of the following groups of questions, and then begin to discover your own emotional style:

1. Did you have a loss early in life that makes you fear losing people?
   
   Do you cling to people or push them away because you're afraid of losing them?
   
   In relationships, are you so obsessed with the fear you'll be left, that you push people away?

Your emotional style could be Abandonment.
Read more about Abandonment.

2. Do you find yourself irritated when someone keeps you from doing what you want?
   
   Do you feel that you are somehow special, and the rules don't apply to you?

Your emotional style could be Entitlement.
Read more about Entitlement.

3. Are you drawn to people who control you or make decisions for you?
   
   Do you feel guilty about having needs or wants of your own?
   
   Do you feel resentful when your needs or wishes aren't considered?

Your emotional style could be Subjugation.
Read more about Subjugation.

4. When you were young, were you made to feel that you didn't belong in some way?
   
   Do you tend to feel like an outsider in a group?
   
   Are you shy and self-conscious in social situations?

Your emotional style could be Exclusion.
Read more about Exclusion.

5. Do you feel people can't be trusted?
   
   As a child, were you treated unfairly or abused?
   
   Do you feel that people you are close to will betray your trust?

Your emotional style could be Mistrust.
Read more about Mistrust.

6. As a child, were you put down or made to feel inept?
   
   Do you fear you won't succeed at anything, no matter how hard you try?
   
   Do you feel that you don't deserve the success you've had?

Your emotional style could be Failure.
Read more about Failure.

7. Do you feel that if people knew the "real" you, they would see that you're flawed?
   
   Do you feel a sense of shame that keeps you from letting people get close?
   
   Are you drawn to people who are critical and rejecting of you?

Your emotional style could be Unlovability.
Read more about Unlovability.

8. Do you hold yourself to the highest standards, but feel it's never good enough?
   
   When you were young, were you made to feel you could always do better, no matter what you accomplished?
   
   Do your relationships or health suffer because you push yourself too hard?

Your emotional style could be Perfectionism.
Read more about Perfectionism.

9. Do you often feel that people don't really care about your needs or tune into your feelings?
   
   Do you often find yourself in a caretaker role with others?
   
   Are you drawn to relationships with people who are cold, or self-absorbed?

Your emotional style could be Deprivation.
Read more about Deprivation.

10. Do you often have the fear that something bad will happen to you or a loved one?
    
    Do your fears keep you from doing things that you would like?
    
    Are you overly preoccupied with worries about health or finances?

Your emotional style could be Vulnerability.
Read more about Vulnerability.