How to Make the Holidays a Time of Positive Change...Even If You're Alone!
The high energy and higher expectations surrounding the holidays can have a negative impact, as demonstrated by the accompanying high incidence of heart attacks and suicide. However, that same intensity can be used to your benefit to create dynamic and positive change. And you can start now.
This high energy allows us to easily connect to others who are feeling the same way, and it can be expediently, powerfully and positively directed and manipulated. As you become aware of your intuition and the links you share with one another in a real and tangible way, you also become aware of how powerful it can be to change old connections. By revisiting your old relationships, you can change the persistent patterns that have had you running the same unsatisfying maze over and over again in your life. The "miracles" we all grow so fond of during the holidays connote effortlessness, but that is contrary to the empowered change you can willingly create.
How to move forward with your family
Take a moment to replay in your head the arguments you always have with your family. Now, resolve them in your head. Decide not to be drawn in and not to defend old habits. Let those around you do all the old dances and find a place to go in yourself where you do not need to respond. Often, a full-body sense of what you are creating in your life helps. Be in your new life. Expect yourself to notice all the difficulties and barriers as you do this. However, once you are conscious of a roadblock, know that your intuition is already searching for the information to help you get through it, around it, over it or under it. Intuition does not give up once you commit to change. Use breath as a tool to center yourself instead of reacting in destructive or self-destructive ways. Focus on your breath. Breathe in your changes and breathe out the obstacles. Use the old patterns to re-engage your awareness and stimulate, enkindle, inspire, animate and change.
And yes, you will be tempted to engage. All change takes discipline. Try redirecting your attention when someone pushes your buttons. Who knows, you may even be able to plant the seeds for a new relationship and a new family dynamic. We read each others' real feelings even if we fake good behavior. Practice compassion so that you can send real warmth to those around you even if you have issues with them. By using this simple technique, you can be the change in your family or group of friends.
Even if you are alone, the holidays tend to bring up these familial patterns. Do the same exercises you would if you were with your family and reach out to someone—a stranger, a teacher or a mere acquaintance—as the person you have chosen to become now. It is good to find groups gathering in your area—AA, church groups or any kind of group—that allow you to connect your dreams to the dreams and realities of others.
A holiday, because of the connectivity that surrounds it, is also a time when you can send your goals out into the world. You don't even have to talk to the person—be it your boss, the new love you haven't met yet or your new community—to send a clear message and receive a clear response. Scientific research now shows that others perceive what you think and feel, even at a distance. Try it by sending a warm connection to someone you care about or want to meet at least six times a day. Use your thoughts in a conscious, powerful and directed manner to create the changes you desire. When your thoughts wander to a hurtful place, refocus them on the dialogs and messages you want to send to the people you want to send them to.
Holidays also represent time markers. You may think of where you were last Thanksgiving, the Thanksgiving before that and even 30 Thanksgivings before that! Yet in ways this does a disservice by undermining the power of accepting the moment as it is. It's best to find your power in immediate, willed change. In 30 years of teaching, I have seen people turn their lives around in a moment—a literal moment. Really being someone you like and shifting to the loving and hopeful part of you sends a different and powerful message to the world around you. You may be very pleased and surprised at what comes back your way. Be active in engaging with your own miracle.
Simple ways to take control of your holidays
- Focus on what you want in your life, not on what you don't want.
- Write down your goals. Don't worry if they are reasonable or not. The first step is to acknowledge them. Keep a journal or a little pad of paper, and write down your goals as well as the changes you create and the intuitive information you receive. Review this every day, and you will see how powerful you are at creating your own life and having an effect on the lives of those around you.
- Take one small action to forward each goal before the holidays begin.
- Use your positive memory files to create thoughts. Pick memories that you can experience with all your senses and practice being in them when you need a boost.
- Commit to having conversations with people in your future, even if you haven't met them yet, and refuse to rehash negative conversations from the past.
- Practice being the new you without being defensive when people treat you like the old you.
- Try to tell at least one other person about your goals. Having a witness makes something sacred, powerful and real in your life.