Oprah: I felt it for you. Because it's so easy to get stuck in that space that "He did this to me and how come I didn't know and oh my God."

Debbie: Yes. I've been going through that quite a bit.

Oprah: Yes. Yes. Yes.

The Rev. Bacon: There are groups on the Internet who have a story similar to yours and who are on a journey—

Elizabeth: Right.

The Rev. Bacon: —who can be your companions in this so that you do have companionship.

Oprah: Because when something this—this grave happens to you, and we're not saying being gay is the grave thing. It's that you were deceived all this time.

Michael: Right.

Oprah: That you were deceived. When something—that means there's an opening here for that much light to come through.

Michael: Absolutely.

The Rev. Bacon: Yes.

Oprah: Right.

Michael: Right. Right. She was living a lie. They were living a lie, and they were holding it together.

Debbie: Yes.

Michael: So that means not only was he deceiving her, but there were parts of her that weren't even expressing, you see, and now she has the opportunity to discover that, without discounting what she's going to have to go through. You're talking about journaling. That means she's going to actually look at those places. And when you shine the light on stuff within you, you change the energy of it.

The Rev. Bacon: Mm-hmm.

Michael: And it becomes less dense just by looking at it.

Elizabeth: And I'm sure it wasn't a total lie. I'm sure there were many beautiful and wonderful years and gifts that you gave each other.

Debbie: Oh, yes.

Elizabeth: And you don't—to let go of it now doesn't mean you have to negate it completely. You can be grateful for what you had. Self-investigate how you also created it. Mourn. And all three of those things are an important part of your healing.

Michael: Absolutely. Sometimes I teach that when a relationship is over, you do three things. One, you have to accept what is. You have to accept that it is over.

Oprah: Yeah.

Michael: And not go into wishful thinking.

Oprah: Stop resisting it.

Michael: "I wish I would have, should have, could have. I wish this had turned out differently. This should not have happened." And secondly, you go over all of the good stuff that happened. You go over all of the lessons that you got out of that relationship. And then third, you forgive. You accept what is, you harvest the good, and you forgive. And your process in those three areas are all individual. They're all individual.

Oprah: All right.

Debbie: And that's basically what I've been doing. I mean, I—I've accepted the fact that he's gay. I've just—it's hard to accept the fact that he kept it away from me all those years.

Michael: Think about—think about what he was going through hiding that from everyone. Being in the closet. Faking—and he wasn't faking the love. Obviously there was love there. He loved you. So let's not discount that.   br>
Debbie: Yes.

Michael: But just think also about—and maybe you can't do this right now. But the compassion around him for being able to—for not being able to express himself for all those years.

Debbie: Yes.

Michael: It's tough.

Debbie: Yeah. And he— I've already—I've already forgiven him. We are—I mean, we still talk. We are still very close. It's just the loss that I feel.

Oprah: And part of the loss is mourning the loss—the life that you now will no longer be able to have.

Debbie: Yes. Yes. Definitely. That's what it is.

Oprah: Yeah.

Elizabeth: But you'll have a new life, and it will be—you can make it. It's your choice to use this to grow in ways that you can't even imagine.

Oprah: Absolutely.

Elizabeth: And I would imagine several years from now you'll even be grateful that it happened.

Oprah: Absolutely.

Elizabeth: And you will become ever more yourself.

Oprah: Let this break you open, as Elizabeth's book is called, Broken Open. Let this break you open and allow you to be spiritually liberated which is also—first Broken Open and then spiritually liberated. Spiritual Liberation. There you go. That's what I recommend. Really you will see yourself in both books. Thank you so much, Debbie.

Debbie: Thank you so. Thank you. Bless you.

Oprah: Thank you. Bless you too.

Debbie: Goodbye, now.

Oprah: I will accept the blessing. Thank you. Our next question comes from Gene in Richmond, California. Gene lost his wife just a few months ago to cancer, and he is Skyping from his living room, and we are so sorry for your loss.

Gene: Thank you.

Oprah: But grateful that you would want to make this call this evening. And your question is?

Gene: I did lose my wife recently to cancer of two years, and we knew our journey was limited due to the cancer. We married with cancer. One of her last requests was that she never wanted to be forgotten. How do I keep her spirit and her memory alive along with continuing my next journey in life wherever it may be?

Michael: Can I ask you a question?

Gene: Yes.

Michael: When you think about your wife, what qualities come to mind? What did you know her as?

Gene: She was loving. She was caring. She was free-spirited. Passionate. Lived life every day.

Michael: Yes.

Gene: She fought a battle that could never be won, and for most of the time, she was very upbeat about it.


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