Are You a Downer?
Be honest and ask yourself if any of the following statements sound like you:
- I continually complain about how bad I feel.
- I complain about how others treat me unfairly.
- I take a negative view of the world in general.
- I don't ask my friends about how they are doing.
- I monopolize the conversation.
- I ask for reassurance—over and over again.
- I reject reassurance once I get it.
4 tips to keep your friends on your side and get the support you need
Next: Don't get stuck as a victim
Next: If you talk about problems, talk about solutions
Next: Don't sound like your own worst enemy
What's the take-home message in all of this? You need your friends, but your friends need to know you are on your side—and that you understand their support can't be taken for granted. If you sound like your own best friend, you will always have the friends you really need.
Robert L. Leahy, PhD is the director of the American Institute for Cognitive Therapy in New York City and clinical professor of psychology at Weill-Cornell Medical School. He has served as the president of the Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapy, the International Association for Cognitive Psychotherapy and the Academy of Cognitive Therapy. He received the Aaron T. Beck Award for Outstanding Contributions in Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy. His most recent book is Beat the Blues Before They Beat You (Hay House, August 2010).
How to live in a complaint-free world
Dealing with a very bad boss
Martha Beck's anti-complain campaign