Advice from Patti Novak

Conversation Dos and Don'ts

Don't rely on your great hair or new shoes to impress a date. Dazzle him or her with great conversation! Matchmaker Patti Novak outlines the topics to avoid. Plus, how to be a great listener.

When you are on a date, you only have about 30 minutes to build some sort of emotional chemistry. Do not waste time having long conversations about your children, pets, crazy hobbies and interests or past relationships—a definite do not.
Make sure conversation is not all about you. Ask questions. Make sure you are listening when they are answering. Make sure you ask questions as much as you answer them. Remember, the art of communication comes in two forms, listening and talking.
Stay away from politics and religion. These subjects are too intense for a first date. If it comes up during the date, change the subject. Try to keep conversation light and fun.
For the single men, turn offs for women are bragging about your career, toys and especially other women. A woman also likes a man that can be sensitive. Show a bit of your softer side.
Do not talk about your sex life...past, present or what you would like in the future. Leave it in the bedroom where it belongs.
Do not use an excessive amount of foul language on a first date. It's a huge turn off.
Do not talk about tough family wounds, history or sadness.
Do not talk about medications you are taking. That is your private business.

For more advice from Patti Novak, visit www.pattinovak.com.

Your mom may have taught you to say "please" and "thank you," but matchmaker Patti Novak is taking your etiquette lesson to the next level. How to get out of a disastrous date with class and impress the man or woman of your dreams.

Do understand table manners. If you're going out to a restaurant for a first date, learn dining etiquette.
Do not chew with your mouth open or hold your utensils like a toothbrush.
Do not drink too much on a date. It will affect how you look, the way you feel the next day and how you represent yourself.
If you are a smoker, do not smoke on your way to the date. You don't want to show up smelling like an ashtray. You have no choice today as a smoker but to be polite, so maintain that from the beginning of the date until the end.
If you're trying to get out of a date, you should plan a phone call beforehand with a friend or your kids. Tell your date something came up and you have to go. If you feel you have to be honest, try not to offend your date. You don't want to hurt anybody's feelings.
For men, be careful not to flirt with the bartenders and waitresses, etc. Being nice can sometimes be mistaken for flirting. Women are very sensitive to where men's eyes are.

For more advice from Patti Novak, visit www.pattinovak.com.

Don't let nerves or self-doubt get in the way of a great first date. Matchmaker Patti Novak, star of A&E's Confessions of a Matchmaker, shares where to go, what to wear and what time to meet.

You'll be setting up a second date before dessert!

When setting up the first date, spend no more than five minutes on the phone. You want there to be an air of mystery, and you want to have a lot to talk about on the actual date.
Guys should make the initial call and suggest where to have the date. It shows initiative.
Early evenings are a great time for dates. Mornings remind us too much of work, and lunch is too informal. Early evenings allow you the opportunity, if you do like each other, to have more time together.
The best places to meet for a first date are public places. Restaurants are safe. Do not go to the movies or secluded, quiet places. Keep it as public as possible.
Stay away from bars and the club scene. There are too many people and too much activity. You may lose the focus of your date.
Also, stay away from bookstores. That is where you meet, not where you date.
A first date should never be a coffee date—it is the direct eye contact that makes women uncomfortable. Try a nice restaurant or take a walk and have a chat.
You have 10 seconds to make a first impression, so look your best.
When dressing for a first date, dress casual but nice.
Do not wear sneakers or sweats.
Less is better when it comes to jewelry, which goes for both men and women.
Make sure you carry breath mints.
Be yourself. Trying to hard to impress can end up leaving a bad impression on your date.
Show that you can be sexy, intelligent and beautiful all in the same breath. Do not be afraid to show all those traits. Show your sense of humor, smile and make great eye contact.
And, most importantly, be on time!

For more advice from Patti Novak, visit www.pattinovak.com.

Published 01/01/2006