My husband and I are having sexual issues and have been since we got together. I recently found out that the reason is that he was sexually abused as a child and has developed many issues due to it.  How do we go about seeking help and creating a new sex life that does not let the past destroy it? He is in therapy and I have read all the books but that doesn't seem to help. Even talking about sex is difficult for him and he says he is willing to go to a Tantra couples retreat but he really is uncomfortable with it. What do I do to create a new sex life? I am way too young to give it up and it has been a huge source of discontent in my life since we got married.
— match101

I'm sorry that you and your husband are struggling. It is all too common when one or both of you have been sexually traumatized. It would be great to one day do an entire show on healing the wounds of sexual abuse since 30 percent of women have been victimized and so many men as well. The numbers are just becoming clear because for so long boys and men were too ashamed and embarrased to come out and report it. While Tantra would be great it seems like he first will need to do some basic recovery work. Is the therapist he is seeing experienced in sexual trauma and recovery? Is he going through a process of healing and relief from shame and guilt, even forgiveness? This needs to be achieved before you can start tackeling your intimacy and if this therapist is trained, he/she will be able to guide you through that as well. Don't give up. There is help available and you can rebuild your sex life.
As a reminder, always consult your doctor for medical advice and treatment before starting any program.


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