What Comes After "I Do"
PAGE 4
Secret 3—Never Go to Sleep Angry
I cannot credit any one person with this tidbit because it seems to be the most commonly held tenet of happy couples everywhere. I don't know if there's a biological reason why going to sleep angry is bad—other than it's actually difficult to fall asleep if one is in a rage about something—but it always seems like I wake up with renewed resentment. It is as though my subconscious solidified all the petty ways I knew I just had to be right and so-and-so was obviously in the wrong.
Even if you need to set an argument aside and approach it again in the morning with a clear head, reaching some stage of resolution the night before limits the amount of baggage that comes with the fight. If it lingers over long periods, chances are you're focusing more on getting a confession or proving someone wrong than you are on finding a solution.
And while you're at it, everyone knows to pick battles, but I've found it even more important to pick your timing. It may seem like an opportune moment to bring up a contentious subject as your partner is sinking into his or her pillow after a long day at the office, but in all likelihood, the response will not be a desired one. Cranky people are seldom rational, and sleepy people are seldom forgiving. Bear in mind that it won't always be sunshine and rainbows, and learning to forego the blowout fights as often as can be means less time cleaning up the mess and more time enjoying the party.
What's your advice to a newlywed couple starting a new life together? Share your takeaway in the comments area.
Daphne Oz is the author of the national best-seller The Dorm Room Diet—now available in paperback—and The Dorm Room Diet Planner and creator of the Dorm Room Diet Workout DVD.
Keep Reading:
Eat, Pray, Love author Elizabeth Gilbert investigates marriage around the world
What happily married women know
The 5 best things you can do for your relationship
I cannot credit any one person with this tidbit because it seems to be the most commonly held tenet of happy couples everywhere. I don't know if there's a biological reason why going to sleep angry is bad—other than it's actually difficult to fall asleep if one is in a rage about something—but it always seems like I wake up with renewed resentment. It is as though my subconscious solidified all the petty ways I knew I just had to be right and so-and-so was obviously in the wrong.
Even if you need to set an argument aside and approach it again in the morning with a clear head, reaching some stage of resolution the night before limits the amount of baggage that comes with the fight. If it lingers over long periods, chances are you're focusing more on getting a confession or proving someone wrong than you are on finding a solution.
And while you're at it, everyone knows to pick battles, but I've found it even more important to pick your timing. It may seem like an opportune moment to bring up a contentious subject as your partner is sinking into his or her pillow after a long day at the office, but in all likelihood, the response will not be a desired one. Cranky people are seldom rational, and sleepy people are seldom forgiving. Bear in mind that it won't always be sunshine and rainbows, and learning to forego the blowout fights as often as can be means less time cleaning up the mess and more time enjoying the party.
What's your advice to a newlywed couple starting a new life together? Share your takeaway in the comments area.
Daphne Oz is the author of the national best-seller The Dorm Room Diet—now available in paperback—and The Dorm Room Diet Planner and creator of the Dorm Room Diet Workout DVD.
Keep Reading:
Eat, Pray, Love author Elizabeth Gilbert investigates marriage around the world
What happily married women know
The 5 best things you can do for your relationship
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