Are Bachelor Parties Okay?
Although it has been five years since Nadine and her high-school sweetheart Christian were married, his bachelor party is still a sore spot in her life. She says she still cannot get over his antics from that weekend, which she found out about after discovering an explicit videotape of the party. On the tape, she saw a topless dancer sitting on Christian's lap.
Christian says he is sorry and truly remorseful, but also that Nadine should get over it. "I think women should accept that boys will be boys as long as they don't cross the line."
Nadine says there are long periods of time when she can let it go, but that every now and then she'll hear the song on the videotape or see a bachelor party scene in a movie and she'll think back on Christian's party.
"Is it OK for guys to have their one last night of bachelorhood or am I over-reacting?" Nadine asks.
Expert Advice
E. Jean Carroll, Elle magazine advice columnist and author of Mr. Right, Right Now, says bachelor parties "couldn't be cheesier." At a moment when all things between a couple should be sacred and holy—"when you are going to declare your troth to this woman for the rest of your life"—bachelor parties are the "cheapest, sleaziest, dumbest, stupidest."
Although Christian may not have had the real thing with the stripper, "it's play sex," says E. Jean, which is just as ridiculous, especially just before the wedding night.
To make it up to Nadine, E. Jean suggests Christian apologize to Nadine and acknowledge he was disrespectful. Then, Christian should take Nadine and her three favorite girlfriends for a spa day for pedicures, manicure, facials and massages.
At the end of the spa day, Christian should send them a bottle of champagne, E. Jean says. And each of Nadine's friends should raise a toast to Christian. "So each woman toasts some wonderful quality of [Christian's], and at the end you [Nadine] just toast to the male beast, who sometimes is not very smart but he has a good heart."
And after all is said and done, E. Jean says the Nadine should stop thinking about it. "It's over, it's done—this guy is a great guy!"
Christian says he is sorry and truly remorseful, but also that Nadine should get over it. "I think women should accept that boys will be boys as long as they don't cross the line."
Nadine says there are long periods of time when she can let it go, but that every now and then she'll hear the song on the videotape or see a bachelor party scene in a movie and she'll think back on Christian's party.
"Is it OK for guys to have their one last night of bachelorhood or am I over-reacting?" Nadine asks.
Expert Advice
E. Jean Carroll, Elle magazine advice columnist and author of Mr. Right, Right Now, says bachelor parties "couldn't be cheesier." At a moment when all things between a couple should be sacred and holy—"when you are going to declare your troth to this woman for the rest of your life"—bachelor parties are the "cheapest, sleaziest, dumbest, stupidest."
Although Christian may not have had the real thing with the stripper, "it's play sex," says E. Jean, which is just as ridiculous, especially just before the wedding night.
To make it up to Nadine, E. Jean suggests Christian apologize to Nadine and acknowledge he was disrespectful. Then, Christian should take Nadine and her three favorite girlfriends for a spa day for pedicures, manicure, facials and massages.
At the end of the spa day, Christian should send them a bottle of champagne, E. Jean says. And each of Nadine's friends should raise a toast to Christian. "So each woman toasts some wonderful quality of [Christian's], and at the end you [Nadine] just toast to the male beast, who sometimes is not very smart but he has a good heart."
And after all is said and done, E. Jean says the Nadine should stop thinking about it. "It's over, it's done—this guy is a great guy!"
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