Brené Brown: The 2 Most Common Ways We Off-Load Hurt

Season 7 Episode 622
Aired on 10/04/2015 | CC tv-14
It's often the case that when someone says or does something to you that seems mean-spirited, they are off-loading the hurt someone else inflicted on them at an earlier time. In her new book, Rising Strong, Brené Brown attempts to get at the heart of this vicious cycle.

During their Super Soul Sunday interview, Brené and Oprah agreed that Newton's third law of motion has something to do with it. For every act of ill will, intentional or otherwise, there is an equal and opposite reaction manifested in the world.

"There was like these very patterned ways that people off-load hurt and emotion instead of feel it, and there's anger and blame and avoidance," Brené says. Primarily, though, reactions to hurt can be broken into two categories, she says: "chandeliering" and stockpiling.

Chandeliering, Brené says, is pushing the hurt down until one day it's all unleashed at once in a fit of rage (shooting that person up to the chandelier). Stockpiling, conversely, is perpetually holding on to hurt until it begins to manifest in your body. "The body keeps score, and it always wins," Brené says.

Watch the video above to learn more about how off-loading hurt continues the cycle of pain.