Iyanla Explains Why She Ended Her 14-Year Relationship

Season 4 Episode 425
Aired on 10/28/2017 | CC tv-14
Although 36-year-old Vakhara has been living apart from her husband, Lamar, for more than a year, the wife and mother still struggles to accept that she and Lamar are no longer on the same page in their relationship. While talking through her frustrations with Iyanla, Vakhara learns that she is certainly not alone in holding on to the hope that things can change.

Having recently ended a lengthy relationship herself, Iyanla can relate. "After 14 years, I recognized he don't love me the way I want to be loved," Iyanla says of her ex. "For 14 years, I was hoping, 'Okay, he's going to get it. He's going to get it. He's going to get it. He's going to get it.' And then I said, 'You know what? He ain't getting it.' And it's okay."

Ultimately, Iyanla says, we can only control our own choices, our own actions; it is not our place to make the other person in a relationship do any particular thing. "I don't get to tell people how to love me," she says. "I get to see how they love, and then choose if I want to participate."

Part 3 of this episode airs Saturday at 9/8c.