Preloading

A Subtle "Act of Violence"

Season 4 Episode 407
Aired on 10/15/2016 | CC tv-14
In her work with the Henry family, Iyanla witnessed countless examples of the breakdown between husband Dwight and wife Thelisha. Yet, there was one particularly revealing aspect of the couple's dynamic, she says, that was as subtle as it was disturbing. "The thing that I found very insidious in Dwight and Thelisha's relationship were the subtle, hostile and aggressive ways that they challenged one another," Iyanla says. "This happens in relationships when the men don't face consequences and when the women go numb. It's an act of violence that often goes unchecked."

As part of her effort to interrupt this pattern, Iyanla sat down with Dwight and Thelisha individually and as a couple. Alone with Iyanla in Part 1, Thelisha admitted that she wanted out of the marriage. However, during a later session with Dwight in Part 2, Thelisha backtracked. Iyanla says she isn't surprised by this wavering.

"Very often when a relationship is in breakdown and there are difficulties that have remained unaddressed for a long period of time, the people involved will go back and forth," Iyanla says. "They want in; they want out; they're going to try; they don't want to try."

Iyanla points out that healing can only occur when everyone is clear about the work they need to do—and then do it. "I think it was absolutely essential for Thelisha and Dwight to come together on a new commitment and to move forward in their relationship," Iyanla says. "That is the fix."

See more from this two-part episode, and catch up on full episodes of Iyanla: Fix My Life on the Watch OWN app.
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