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Out of my four kids, my youngest is 10, and she is still sleeping in the bed with me at night. How do I get her out?
— Vanessa

Dr. Phil: I can tell you that there aren't bad effects from letting a child sleep in their parents' bed. Common sense says otherwise. Common sense says that you are going to raise a child that's too connected to the parent—who's going to be a mama's boy or mama's girl or whatever. And I tend to agree with that, but the evidence is really to the contrary. It doesn't correlate with poor independence. It doesn't correlate with low self-esteem. It doesn't correlate with bad social skills.

Mothers: Dr. Phil's 5 questions you need to ask

Now, the question is this: It is not a matter of "if," it's a matter of "when." At some point, you want to get the kids out of the bed. Selfishly, you may want them out of the bed right now because it gets in the way of your ability to be intimate with your partner, even talking when they're there. It can crowd a marriage.

If you do want the child out of the bed, Vanessa, then just simply do this: You've got to kind of say, "Look, it's time to be a big girl. It's time to be a big girl. It's time to be in your own bed. So, let's talk about that." Make a decision, and you can ease your way into it. But you haven't scarred the child, Vanessa.

Next: What can you do to help a restless child fall asleep?

Published 01/03/2011