I used to be a real sex kitten with my husband. But now I'm too tired to even think about sex. How do I get my energy back?
—Molly from Los Angeles
: Try wake-up sex. That's why guys get erections in the morning—it's the best time hormonally for us. The women usually are enticeable at that hour because you haven't done anything wrong yet. So, you can make magic happen.
So what's ideal? The sexual famine that we're experiencing in this country reflects lots of things that are happening in our lives; I'm going to turn to Dr. Phil for that in a second
. But let's go through what's happening in your body. If you can't rev your engine, if you can't figure out if all the parts are working, it means that there's a big issue that you've got to deal with in your body.
So, if you're having sex once a week, which is the average in America, it's actually 56 times a year—just about once a week. If you go to twice a week—just doubling it—you will live three years longer. Are you all hearing that? Now the guys out there, you've got an excuse!
Dr. Laura Berman helps you find satisfaction in the bedroom
The real question I want everybody to think about is: "Why is it so darn important?" Well, let me give you a couple of numbers. Is it the physical activity? Well, the actual intercourse in America burns 23 calories: It's not that. It takes about three minutes: It's not that.
Now what it does do is it brings you the connection with someone that you care for. When you're doing it with someone that you care for, it adds up and builds a bond that you have, which allows you to thrive in life. It also does in fact check to make sure that the major blood vessels of the body are working, because you know what? If nitric oxide, which is this short-lived gas that a Nobel prize was awarded for that allows the penis to engorge—if that's not there, then it's not there in your heart or your brain or your kidneys or anywhere else. The foods you eat and the activities you do influence exactly how well the erection functions. And if you're having that, it ain't going to work.
I think ideally America would have sex at least twice a week. I think three times [would be] even better. And let me give you a quick checklist that I think will help. Number one, you've got to take the television out of the bedroom, because if the TV's in the bedroom, it's going to distract you. Number two, sleep naked. It's self-evident: Take away the barriers. And women, please, the guys love your bodies. You guys are complaining about them, I don't care if it's cellulite or if your breasts are sagging—the guys like it and that's why they married you. It wasn't an accident.
I think probably the most important advice I'll give: don't start off saying, "Hey, let's go have sex," because that's intimidating. The first thing you want to do is cuddle. Just touch people, get close to them. You want to be able to touch and cuddle on folks, and the most sexual organ in the body is the brain. For guys, please, it's a 24-hour process for women. Call them, text them, talk to them—that's the first thing you ought to do, combined with the cuddling to make magic happen. If you do all those things, you bring up the one final issue: I've always told folks on my show that if you don't feel like it, you should still push yourself to do it. Even if you don't feel like having sex that day, if the person you love wants to have sex, you ought to push yourself to do it.
Next: How can I live longer? And what does your "real age" mean?