Q: When the seeker has located that missing loved one, how should she go about making first contact? Any advice for people nervous about the first meeting?

A: How you handle first contact will determine the likelihood of your future relationship with the person you find. Please be considerate of their privacy, respect their wishes and, above all else, take it slowly. You have been emotionally preparing for your first contact ever since the day you decided to seek them out—but they are caught off guard by your call, letter or visit. So ease into the conversation, be gentle, choose nonthreatening words, make your willingness to forgive and your desire to build a future obvious. Let them take some time to process what is happening, what is being said. Patience leads to long-lasting relationships. Some hearts heal slower than others.

Q: If the reunion is positive, how can both parties go about rekindling this relationship?

A: Spend as little time on the past as possible. Get whatever answers you need, but as soon as possible, turn your thoughts, words and emotions toward the future. The hole in your heart is in the past. It is the future that can make your heart whole.


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