As an aging female member of the Love Generation of the '60s, I have always enjoyed giving my opinion honestly when asked. I have been lucky enough, since the age of thirty-three, not to have to give a fucking rat's a** what anyone thinks of it. Fame and wealth have been very, very good to me. The best part of all of it is being able to avoid people I don't like.

Your Domestic Goddess may very well be the last hedge against Totalitarian One World Rule, people! The following is a list of Domestic Goddess decrees:

  • Triple teachers' and policemen's pay and raise the bar accordingly.
  • Establish a union of the working poor with the Attorney General as their lawyer.
  • Replace organized religion with strict observance and enforcement of the Golden Rule.
  • Foreign policy statement: "Hey, how’s it going? We’re your global neighbors. Here's our number if you need something."
  • Back our currency with yummy baked goods.
  • Abolish the IRS.
  • Put birth control in the water supply for the next five years.
  • All sewer and septic tank maintenance will be performed by convicted corporate criminals.
  • All medical testing will be performed on child molesters and animal abusers.
  • Minimum weight for supermodels: 140 pounds.
Excerpted from Roseannearchy: Dispatches from the Nut Farm by Roseanne Barr, Copyright © 2011 by Full Moon & High Tide Productions, Inc. Excerpted by permission of Gallery Books, a division of Simon & Schuster. All rights reserved.


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