The Age of the Female is dawning all around us, and it seems I am the only one who sees it in all of its manifest glory! I have always known that the female is the stronger of the sexes, that she is the one who gets things going and makes things happen. Growing up in a Jewish matriarchal world inside the patriarchal paradise of Salt Lake City, Utah, gave me increased perspective on gender issues, as it also did my gay brother and my lesbian sister. Our younger sister is the perfect Jewish-American wife and mother, and is fiercely proud of that fact. I am the most unconventional one in my family, as all of my siblings have been in relationships of twenty or more years with the same person. My brother is a grandfather two times over and still in college, becoming a doctor in his fiftieth year; my sister married her best friend from preteen Zionist camp, and they have eleven-year-old twin Zionist daughters. My big, fat Jewish family has always been in the eye of the storm, as the winds howl around us and we duck down to protect ourselves and one another from the flying debris and the damage that nature naturally inflicts on all living things—the smarter the creature, the better the target.

Nature is a b****, and so am I. A big, fat, loudmouthed, pushy, Jewish b****, as I have been lovingly called by admirers all of my life. I am, indeed, all of those things—and proud of it, too. I have always tried to live up to that role, as I find that it truly suits and defines me.

People sometimes think my being a loudmouthed, pushy, fat Jew b**** means that I don’t care. But I do care—probably too much! I care about "not caring" more than I care about anything else! I simply do "not care" to remain silent and docile and passive when it comes to the way women, children, and the poor are treated on this planet, no matter whom that offends, no matter what crimp that puts in my money hose, and no matter whose "God" doesn't like it. I am free to take action and speak out whenever I see fit. Speaking out against what one considers wrong is the very definition of freedom. Democracy is based on female freedom! Silencing old, loudmouthed, pushy women is the first thing a smart despot tries to do.

Excerpted from Roseannearchy: Dispatches from the Nut Farm by Roseanne Barr, Copyright © 2011 by Full Moon & High Tide Productions, Inc. Excerpted by permission of Gallery Books, a division of Simon & Schuster. All rights reserved.


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