Jews: Leave stuff alone in the world; stay home and just "chillax," as my son Buck says. I swear that's a great thing to do and makes everything easier. I know this goes against the modern idea that Jewish Baby Boomers' survivor's guilt over World War II, if harnessed, could usher in Utopian fullness, but that thinking is actually just a result of all the drugs we took in the '60s. Baby Boomers (gentile ones, too) need do nothing more on behalf of the planet, the species, or peace in the Middle East, and everything will just work itself out nicely.

If these words I write are incorrect or untrue, then please explain to me why God, in all of Her brilliance and talent and intelligent design, would have chosen this time to bring forth the pinnacle of female power and sinister wisdom, the solution to telecommunicable disease, the oracle, Nancy Grace. Her bewitching hold over the minds of the peri- and postmenopausal female is a phenomenon largely unexplored by others, but not yours truly—I'm right there with her.

Nancy sees through the layers of jurisprudence, all the way past the song and dance of lawyers, to the core of the seed wherein resides the voice of the voiceless victim of crime. Nancy embodies that voice and leverages it like David against Goliath. She is always defending the child who has been wronged, whether she is a teenage Natalee Holloway or a two-year-old Caylee Anthony, or Haleigh Cummings. Day after day, Nancy interprets criminal law for the underserved public, who unconsciously knows that one day soon it may be representing itself in a court of law, stripped as it is of the cash needed to defend itself against the myriad charges of lawsuit-happy lawyers, who wrote the Patriot Act, which says no American has the right not to be charged with a crime.

Excerpted from Roseannearchy: Dispatches from the Nut Farm by Roseanne Barr, Copyright © 2011 by Full Moon & High Tide Productions, Inc. Excerpted by permission of Gallery Books, a division of Simon & Schuster. All rights reserved.


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