To say that I have an undisciplined mind would not be incorrect overall, but it’s a little off the mark because I have great discipline when I write—but only for about ten minutes. Then I get mad and kick something or drink something, and then I begin to blame and curse, which is the mind-set I prefer to access before I pick up the phone and call someone to tell them what I think their big problem in life really is. Right after they hang up on me, I write another opening paragraph, get turned off, do some carbloading, get energized, blog about meditation and how it helps keep one centered, so that one (not me, obviously) can stay focused when writing, then I lose interest in that and check my Facebook page. (My kids signed me up so that I could see how fun the site is, and it is the worst addiction of all addictions for which I have ever killed.)

I actually regard Facebook as a huge bore, but I cannot refrain from participating in it. I guess I crave the feeling of hope it gives me to think that today will be different from yesterday, that I will find an interesting comment or poke or video, and on the extremely rare occasion when that happens, I am just thrilled. I like snooping through other people's comment pages and viewing their pictures and profiles and reading their blogs sometimes. But Facebook is largely just a boring bunch of unemployed and unsatisfied, middle-aged, mostly Jewish people pretending that they are not just gossiping and b******* about their lives but launching social groups and networks about feeding the homeless or the children of Malawi, or protesting global warming—when, in fact, many times these groups are just a bait-and-switch-type trick for selling açaí berry juice.

As a Jewish person, I can say that I think Jewish people are addicted to excitement in an unexciting world. We goose up more drama than we need in order to combat the creeping fear that the true answer to the world’s problems might just be to stay inside and mind our own g****** business. Jewish people take too much responsibility for the world, and that should stop for the good of mankind for a year or two.

Excerpted from Roseannearchy: Dispatches from the Nut Farm by Roseanne Barr, Copyright © 2011 by Full Moon & High Tide Productions, Inc. Excerpted by permission of Gallery Books, a division of Simon & Schuster. All rights reserved.


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