Jim says his personal closure will come when he knows Daisy and Kris are no longer hurting. Gary says Jim may be setting his goals too high. "It will affect them for the rest of their lives," Gary says. "But it doesn't have to affect them badly or horribly."

The key for Jim, Daisy and Kris—and other families like them—is caring for one another. "Every one of us, kids and adults, we all have a piece in us that wants to be mothered. We all want to be nurtured," he says. "When we don't get that, we're at risk for growing up and then finding people who are not valuing us, and we're not good to ourselves either. If you're that person, you have to change and care for yourself. Make sure you're finding people who nurture you and make sure you're nurturing yourself."

Looking back at where the family was four years ago, Gary says Jim, Daisy and Kris are in a better place. "Your autobiographies—before, the title would have been Our Crappy Childhood Divorce and Difficulty with Our Mother," he says. "But because you have this man and other people who love you, that title's going to be a chapter, maybe even a footnote. Your title's going to be, We Made It Because We Connected to the Love of Our Wonderful Father."

The one thing every parent should know about divorce


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