Neil says he wanted to die the night of the accident and he has often thought of suicide. "I'd take it now if I didn't have more children. Life's terrible. It's miserable. The good part's over. That was when we had all our kids," he says. "We were a family. Now we're stuck. We're just struggling through for the good of our three other children."
Every day is a struggle, Neil and Jennifer say. "Everything I see my children do, I think Kate should be doing. Everything I know they're going to do, I know Kate won't do," he says. "Every time you wake up, you say to yourself, 'This is terrible. I went another day without her,' you know? Or I have to face another day without her. And every night when I go to sleep, I made it through another day and I know it's not going to get any better as long as I'm awake."
The accident has changed their marriage, Jennifer says. "The old Jennifer, when Neil would come home from work, might ask, 'How was your day? What's going on?' And now I don't care. And you don't want to be that way," she says. "What follows what happened to us?"