Weight Loss Follow-Up: Loving Yourself at Any Size
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By 2009, Kathrine had gained back 150 pounds. "I knew things were out of control with the first 20 pounds, and then I said, 'Forget the whole thing,'" she says. "It became a complete self-sabotage at that point. I began to hide. I began to feel I wasn't worthy anymore."
Kathrine says regaining the weight was harder than being overweight in the first place. "I felt like a fraud," she says. "I was in the industry. I was teaching on the subject, and now I was doing exactly what I knew not to do."
Looking back, Kathrine says her biggest mistake was not losing the weight for herself. "I made it about everybody else. I was either doing it for them or to get a reaction from them," she says. "The obsession or the running to food got replaced with people's attention. It got replaced with the motivation of other people saying great job."
Kathrine says she was even convinced her weight would make her husband leave. "I was still in the cycle of 'only if I'm thin am I lovable,'" she says. "'Only if I'm thin am I okay.'"
Though her husband's love never wavered, Kathrine's self-respect had all but disappeared. "I'd wake up in the morning and I thought, 'I hate myself,'" she says. "And of course, guilt would come on because I have such a great life and great family."
Kathrine says regaining the weight was harder than being overweight in the first place. "I felt like a fraud," she says. "I was in the industry. I was teaching on the subject, and now I was doing exactly what I knew not to do."
Looking back, Kathrine says her biggest mistake was not losing the weight for herself. "I made it about everybody else. I was either doing it for them or to get a reaction from them," she says. "The obsession or the running to food got replaced with people's attention. It got replaced with the motivation of other people saying great job."
Kathrine says she was even convinced her weight would make her husband leave. "I was still in the cycle of 'only if I'm thin am I lovable,'" she says. "'Only if I'm thin am I okay.'"
Though her husband's love never wavered, Kathrine's self-respect had all but disappeared. "I'd wake up in the morning and I thought, 'I hate myself,'" she says. "And of course, guilt would come on because I have such a great life and great family."
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