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"You realize Allen is my first cousin?" I reminded him.

"This makes no difference in matters of the Lord," Uncle Fred told me. Members of the FLDS believe that intermarrying among family members is okay if it is what the prophet reveals. Even concerns over birth defects are diminished with the explanation that a child who comes to the earth "imperfect" was sent that way by God because the child was "too special" and would again be whole in the Celestial Kingdom. Birth defects are never blamed on cousins marrying or incest but rather occur because "God wanted it that way." While rumors continuously circulated outside of our community that babies born with birth defects were drowned at birth, it was simply not true. These children were held with reverence because of how special God thought they were. That my marriage had been a revelation from the prophet negated any worldly concerns about interfamily marriages and their consequences.

"Well, I want you to know that I'm not going to be able to do this," I huffed. "I just can't bring myself to do this. I will not marry that man."

"Well, then, you need to go and speak to Uncle Warren, because this is something that has been revealed for you. So, you need to talk to the prophet and tell him this."

I don't even remember who answered the phone when I called Uncle Warren the next morning. Usually it was one of Uncle Rulon's wives or sons.

"I need to come up and see the prophet," I told whoever was on the other end of the line. I was unyielding in my position that I would not get married unless I heard of the revelation from the prophet's own mouth. After several moments, I was given an appointment for the very next day.

I tried to calm myself as I thought about everything that had happened in the last few days. By this time tomorrow, I would know whether I was getting married to Allen, but before that decision was reached I would get the chance to approach Uncle Rulon myself, to speak to him and tell him in person that I didn't feel this wedding was right for me. While I was anxious, I was also hopeful that seeing me in person would bring him a new revelation from God, a revelation that I was too young, that I was destined for something beyond being a fourteen-year-old bride. I was destined to do other things, to learn, to grow, to get an education—possibly even become a nurse. I could see this destiny for myself, but in the end, the only thing that would matter was whether the prophet could see it as well.

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