How often have you collapsed into bed and fallen asleep exhausted—not from a night of passion but from a too-full day of running around trying to take care of everything you need to do? For women especially, achieving a fulfilling sex life is about finding time: time to be intimate with your lover, time for yourself, and time to think about what you want from your sex life. To reinvigorate your relationship, try reassessing your priorities and making time to let sexiness flourish in your life.

Doing it all
The trouble with women is that we pride ourselves on doing it all. Even though we excel at working a double shift—holding down a full-time job then coming home to housework, cooking, and raising children—we find it hard to relax and enjoy life. To make matters worse, we often refuse help because we believe only we can do it right. Even when given the opportunity to relax, we often choose to spend the time packing lunches, answering emails, or writing a mental to-do list.

Life-enhancing time off
It might not be your partner or children that are stopping you from making time for sex—instead, it might be juggling commitments at work, at home, and with friends. Time for yourself will reward you with greater productivity and improve your relationships with colleagues and friends. Whatever its source, lack of sleep, stress, and a busy lifestyle cause many women to experience fatigue, weight gain, moodiness, and low sex drive. So the next time you're running ragged all day, don't be surprised if you head to bed feeling as sexy as a turnip.

You might not be sure where or how discovering your sexuality is supposed to fit into
your busy life. But accept that you need time to rest and recuperate. If, like many women, you place sex at the bottom of your to-do list, it might be time to review your priorities and make time for sex. In order to have the best relationship and sex life possible, start by following the three Ds—delegate, decrease, and disengage—to overcome stress, and find time to enhance sex and intimacy with your partner.

Delegate: extend your time
Mounting, nagging to-do lists drive us—and our partners—crazy, and we aren't doing anyone any favors by trying to do it all. Our bosses and coworkers are deprived of a calm colleague, our kids of a relaxed mother, our partners and our friends of spending quality time with us. We are deprived of energy, liveliness, and rest.

Prioritize your tasks. If you have a to-do list that includes more than five or six items, it is time to take stock. Put dates against tasks, and stars against anything you cannot delegate. Cross out non-essential tasks.

Your delegation operation might involve a monthly cleaning service. Housekeeping services are quite affordable, so let go of the reins and hand over the mop. Meanwhile, you will have gained an hour of rest and recuperation, which will boost your mood and your libido.

Use technology to make your life easier. Order your groceries, birthday presents, and household items online. Save shopping trips for when you want to choose some sexy new underwear.
Excerpt from Real Sex for Real Women by Laura Berman, PhD. Copyright © All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.


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