Jen's Story: He Was Wonderful When He Was Around
I cheated on my husband, Ben, a great guy whom I still love. It sounds horrible, and I'm writing this because I'm trying to figure it all out. From the beginning, my husband was so loving and warm. He was all over me. He couldn't keep his hands off me and always complimented me. We played volleyball three nights a week on a local team and I couldn't believe how great everything was going. I was the proudest wife in the neighborhood. My friends were jealous. But a few years after we married he left his job to start his own business with his best friend. I think his friend really took advantage of him because it was my husband who was doing all the traveling and all the worrying.

At some point, I don't know exactly when, I just felt so lonely. I just missed Ben so much, and I hadn't had sex in forever. He took trips that lasted a few weeks, and then he'd stop off at home and a week later, he was gone. I started working, even though I had a toddler, just to keep myself busy, and I cheated with my boss. He wasn't nearly as good-looking or as nice as my husband, and I knew it. But it was like I needed to be loved so badly.

My husband caught us when he surprised me by coming home a few days early. He was devastated and I understood. He was working so hard and I was doing this behind his back in his home. He couldn’t forgive me, and frankly, I can't forgive myself. But I guess when I really let myself go there, I just say that as wrong as I was, I didn't get married to be alone most of my life. It's not like I told him he had to make a ton of money, so start your own business. He needed to do that to feel good himself, and I went along with it. Maybe I shouldn't have. I just think it's our own little tragedy because we really were so good for each other and we have this absolutely wonderful little girl who has two fantastic, loving parents who didn't make their relationship work.

How Much Time Women Spend with Their Men
I asked women on average how much time they spend daily with their husbands alone talking. The number one answer for dissatisfied women was under 30 minutes per day. The significant news is that the number one answer for happy, faithful wives was over 30 minutes a day. More than twice the number of happy women reported spending more time with their husbands as compared to unhappy wives. Plus, 22 percent of the satisfied (faithful) women said they spend on average over 60 minutes per day talking or spending time alone with their husbands. Compare this to the dissatisfied women—just 5 percent reported spending this amount of time with their husbands. On the other side of the scale, about 23 percent of dissatisfied women reported spending less than five minutes daily with their husbands.
Reprinted by permission of the publisher, John Wiley & Sons, Inc., from Connect to Love: The Keys to Transforming Your Relationship, by M. Gary Neuman. Copyright ©2010 by M. Gary Neuman.


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