Financial: This category might seem crass and materialistic, but money is the root of at least 51 percent of all divorces. After all, I am the Millionaire Matchmaker, and I've witnessed money make or break a relationship more times than I can count. Whatever your financial desires, you just better make sure that the guy you're dating has the same goals you do. So if you want the high life, you better make sure he does too.

On a side note, it's okay to want a wealthy man. It's okay to want a man who makes more money than you do. What's not okay is to be a gold digger or expect to be rescued. A gold digger is a flipper who isn't looking for a long, solid relationship. Once she gets what she wants, she'll leave him and trade up. Gold diggers like to cash in and cash out—they're only interested in leasing, never buying. On the other hand, a woman who just wants the comfort and security that comes from a wealthy mate also wants to be a good companion as well as have one, and hopes to add as much to his life as he does to hers. It's completely understandable if you want a wealthy husband so you can stay home and take care of the kids, or, if you're past childbearing age, so that you can travel the world together. Just don't be a gold digger.

That being said, the sense of entitlement I see in so many women these days really rubs me raw. One of the girls in my club, a MAW (model/actress/whatever) once asked me, "He only makes two-hundred-and-fifty thousand dollars a year. Is that enough?"

"Enough for WHAT?" I exploded. "Enough to buy you a big house and car and save you from ever having to spritz perfume in a department store again? How much do you make? Do you think that's enough for him? Let me ask you something: what have you got to offer, other than your good looks, which will fade?" Clearly this woman was a gold digger. A wealthy man wants a woman who will act responsibly with his money and help him increase it, not someone who does nothing more than sit around and think of ways to spend it. That's a bad investment, and men don't get rich by making bad investments. I always say, "She who asks for everything gets nothing. She who asks for nothing gets the world."

But while money is an important factor to consider, if you meet a great guy who has everything you want except cash, and you turn him away because he hasn't made it yet, you might regret it until the day you die—he could have been the great love of your life. My mother's friend is the perfect example of this—she was dating a great, energetic, motivated, and ambitious guy. Only problem was, he was from the wrong side of the tracks and didn't have two pennies to rub together. Her parents told her to stop seeing him. "But Mom!" she said. "I love him." "I don't care," her mom responded. "He'll never amount to anything." That was Don Kirshner, who eventually became a wealthy, famous music promoter. Not only did she lose him, but she had to hear about him all the time on the radio and television.

A happier story is Karen's—she met and married Michael when they were sophomores in college. They were both preppy paupers, and they finished school while living in a one-room, windowless basement apartment underneath a pizza parlor. They supported each other through thick and thin, and twenty years later they're living in a 10,000-square-foot grand estate with all the money they will ever need and have six beautiful and intelligent children. The lesson here is that while they both aspired to financial success, neither wrote the other one off because he or she wasn't making the big bucks when they first met. Instead, they shared the same goals and grew their life together. It wasn't like the rich guy picked out the Pretty Woman hooker and brought her up to his level.

Become Your Own Matchmaker by Patti Stanger. Published by Atria Books. ?? 2009


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