Dealing with social pressures 

Now, what's not sexy? I can sum this up in one word: desperation. Even in today's modern society, plenty of women still feel pressure to find a man and settle down. Our language gives a good indication of why: when older men are single they are "bachelors," but women are still called degrading "spinsters" or "old maids." It's no wonder so many women feel pressured to find Mr. Right.

However, all of this pressure can lead to dangerous desperation. Men are simply not turned on by the scent of desperation. Additionally, when you operate out of fear, as you do when you are under pressure, you might settle for someone who doesn't meet your needs. In order to get and grow the love you want, you have to be okay with you are, even when—or especially when—you are alone.

The Hot Mama 

If you are a mother, raising your kids is one of the most important jobs you will ever do. But remember, that is just one piece of you. You are also a sexual being, an erotic woman, and the vixen of your partner's dreams! Don't ditch your sexy side for motherhood—let motherhood enrich you, rather than limit you. Your partner will thank you.

Staying Sexy

Maintain your interests: Make the transition from mother to lover easier by holding on to your former self. If you make time for friends and hobbies that were part of your life before you had kids, you will be more likely to avoid getting stuck in just one role.

Take time for yourself: I've said it before, but I cannot say it enough! Taking time alone to refresh and rejuvenate is crucial to your well-being, and allows you to more easily make the jump to a sexy mindset.

Fantasize: It might be difficult at first, but spend some time thinking about what turns you on. The more you think sexy thoughts, the more you will feel like a sexy, desirable woman. That's a promise.

Remember, you're a teacher: Your kids need to learn that sex in the right context is good. If you value sex in a healthy context and respect your body, they will be more likely to do the same.

Read more from Dr. Berman's new book, It's Not Him, It's You.
From It's Not Him, It's You: How to Take Charge of Your Life and Create the Love and Intimacy You Deserve by Laura Berman, PhD. Copyright © 2010 by Laura Berman, PhD. Used with the permission of DK Publishing.


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