Us and Them

"Division 48" has a mysterious, slightly ominous, 007-ish sound, but to the American Psychological Association, what it signifies is emotionally benevolent. Established in 1990, this division—one of 55 in the APA—is devoted to applying psychology to the pursuit of peace. A network of nearly 800 students, psychologists and other professionals, Division 48 members work with issues such as domestic violence, childhood bullying, racism and genocide. Goals include research in nonviolence and creating academic programs at universities that teach peacemaking. "If our profession is committed to human well-being," says Michael Wessells, PhD, one of the APA members who originally lobbied for the division, "we have to think about peace."

If someone is setting up a choice between what you believe and what she believes, you can reject that model and embrace both ideas, even if they oppose each other. Such a switch from "either/or" thinking to the "and" stance is the idea of the Harvard Negotiation Project, a group of scholars working to improve conflict resolution (from having difficult conversations with a spouse to resolving armed border conflicts in South America). The mere act of understanding what someone says doesn't require you to give up your own belief. Regardless of whether your opinion influences hers or vice versa, both matter.

"To understand what another person is saying, you must assume that it is true and try to imagine what it could be true of." These are the words of psychologist George A. Miller, and they've been quoted by communications experts as a sterling law to live by. Even if the other person seems crazy or wrong, "really listen to him, without judgment, and try to figure out how he could think that way," says Miller, now Princeton's James S. McDonnell Distinguished University Professor of Psychology, Emeritus.